Thoughts on Christmas Eve

As I sit here at my desk on Christmas Eve I can only think of one little girl. Its hard not to be sad but I am trying my hardest. I just keep picturing next year with her beside me and all the presents a little 11 year old girl could ask for. And a hug for her Daddy as well... I was sitting in church tonight at the 7pm service with LA and Allyson and tears came to my eyes during the Praise Team's rendition of O Holy Night. I sat there listening to the trumpet and sax playing a glorious melody with the piano accompanying in the background. It may have taken me 35 years, but for the first time I truly feel in my heart the reason for the season. Not sure why it hit me this year, but have a couple thoughts. This year, LA and I choose to "downgrade" our Christmas spending as we are trying to save to Bring Nastya Home. No malls. No shopping at all. LA and I made some homemade presents for our immediate family and that was it. No hussle and bussle this year. We spent our traditional Christmas Eve with my mom and dad and sister Allyson. Then went to church. Yes, we opened a few gifts from family as we normally do, but no one went overboard. We were able to just concentrate spending the day with family. The most precious and special part of the night was opening a present my Mom and Dad gave LA and I. It was a stocking for Nastya and a book for her about the story of Christmas. Nastya may not be here in person but she is here in spirit. She has a stocking hanging on the mantle. A special gift from her grandparents for when she arrives. We got some pictures from the Paulson's today of Nastya as well. Now that I must get ready to head back to church for the 11pm candlelight service, I can only hope that God fills my heart with his love, and that for each candle lit tonight, Nastya feels the love in her heart from a Dad, Mom, Aunt, Grandma, and Grandpa, and many others on this Christmas Eve and most holy of nights. Good night Nastya, good night. Daddy loves you.