Triple Crown

In homage of yesterday's failed attempt by Animal Kingdom to win the second leg of the Triple Crown in the world of horse racing, I find title to today's thoughts.  Not an experienced equestrian by any stretch of the imagination, but over the years I have found myself rather intrigued by the sport.  A rather majestic and masculine sporting event where the participants do what they love, all for a bucket full of oats and honey at days end.
Today starts the third leg of our journey to Bring Nastya Home.  LA departed England early this morning, 1am EST, east bound for Munich.  There she will meet up with her Dad to share the next couple of weeks experience with.  John started his first leg yesterday morning, leaving for Munich, via RDU and Dulles.  The goal of this third and final leg is for them to complete the paperwork necessary to Bring Nastya Home to Raleigh.

My goal during this blog has been to share our experience and journey with those that have made it possible.  But just as importantly, it has been to document my emotional journey along the way.  A tool to look back upon to remember the experience and truly capture every moment.  As I began to type this entry a couple of minutes ago, I realized that this posting may be the most in depth and "private" divulgence to date.  I accept that and understand that I am only human and feel a sort of therapy in putting these thoughts on paper. 

So here it goes.

I must say that I am a little jealous of LA in some ways.   First I must explain that I fully understand that I am not supposed to be jealous.  One of the seven deadly sins is envy/jealousy, but I have not been able to suppress this feeling, especially as this day has approached.  All I can do is work through it and make my heart right and know that what we are doing is right and that the emotions that are ebbing and flowing right now are probably pretty normal for our set of circumstances.

When we first broke from the gate back in August 2010, it was very clear that I had made an undeniable connection with Nastya.  All of the people that had surrounded her during her experience in the area witnessed something miraculous in our spark and saw a side of her with me that was not evident prior.  There was an immediate bond from our very first interaction.

Shortly after meeting Nastya and making the decision to proceed with the process to adopt her, I learned from LA that she was a bit concerned with the strength of this connection.  Concerned may not be the right word here.  LA was worried that she wouldn't have that same connection with her, as her initial experience was not as strong.  Let me make it abundantly clear though.  At no time did LA ever doubt what we were doing, but she was worried that as a soon to be new Mommy, would that same bond exist betweeen the two of them?  In almost story book and poetic fashion, a little jealousy was there in the opposite direction.

Over the last several months, LA and I have had many conversations about this subject; and I don't think she would mind me sharing this story with you.  My anticipation of expected jealousy of her during this phase of the journey and her feelings during the initial phase of the journey are very similar.   Just another element that has made us even closer and opened our relationship to an even greater level of emotional intimacy.

Just exactly what am I jealous of?  Its not a single item or set of items, but an overall conglomeration of the experience that LA is going to share with Nastya over the next couple weeks.  Sometime this week, LA will take custody of Nastya and "sign her out" of the orphanage.  They will then spend every moment together and start the next chapter in Nastya's life as our daughter.  I wish I could be there for that.

I understand that I cannot be there.  My work commitments and our finances do not allow that to happen.  I accept those facts and know that at this point in time it cannot be changed.  Truly and honestly I accept it and have moved on.   I have chosen to turn my jealously into a positive and prepare for their return in a little while. 

LA and I departed on our second trip on Derby Day, May 7, 2011.  Within minutes of post time that day, just as the horses left the gates in the run for the roses, LA and I took off overseas to go get our rose, Nastya.  During that trip, we won that leg of the race with a positive courtoom result.

LA departed this weekend...Preakness weekend...to go get Nastya and bring her home.

If all goes smoothly, they should be home in or around 20 days,  which is the day of the running of the third leg of the Triple Crown, the Belmont Stakes.

Just as the owners, trainers, and jockeys prepare their horses for each of these three races; I sit back and prepare for LA to bring home our Triple Crown winner, Nastya.  A crown, seemingly fitting if you ask me.  LA went to England for a brief stay during our waiting period...an area of the world represented by a royal family and a crown.  Nastya is my little princess, and deservedly so, wears a symbolic crown in my heart.  So as our family breaks out of the gates in this third and final leg of our journey to Bring Nastya Home, I sit back with anticipation...with stop watch in hand...checking the progress as they make their way around the track...waiting for them to come down the back stretch and across the finish line...into our home...and winning the biggest jackpot in the world...having my wife and daughter home with me once and for all!