Good Night Pa

Can you believe it?  As I sit here tonight, it has been over 5 weeks since we welcomed Nastya home.  And I must say, it has been a great 5 weeks.  Not a day goes by that I don't count my blessings and thank God for what he has done for our family.
  
It has been a rather busy few weeks with lots of new experiences for Nastya and us as a new family.  It is so neat to watch Nastya learn, grow, and try and conquer this new world that she now calls home.  No matter what the challenge at hand, she tackles it with gusto and embraces the opportunities that are put in front of her.

There have been two big highlights in our last couple of weeks since my last post.  The 4th of July holiday weekend and Nastya's first day of school.  This year more than any other, I truly understand the importance of this holiday and how fortunate we are to be Americans.  Having traveled to a far away land and having experienced a new culture and way of life during this past year, I appreciate what we have in the good ole' US of A even more. 

The 4th of July weekend was a great time for us.   We celebrated in grand style and kicked off  "Happy Birthday America" with a cookout at MiMi and PopPop's house.  Nastya had a blast...no pun intended.   We shot off fireworks, lit sparklers, and started the weekend with a bang.  The highlight of the evening for me was watching her face light up as we set off fireworks and watching her chase and try to catch the paratrooper that fell from the sky out of the middle of a couple of them.  And might I add...she was a perfect two for two!

We also went to our first Carolina Railhawks game as a family, where we wrapped up the night watching a festive fireworks display.  It was so cool just sitting back and watching her take it all in.  This was her first experience around such a large group of people.  Watching Swoops, the ever so popular Railhawks mascot, wander around the stadium, and people watching got the biggest "Oh My Gosh" reactions of the night.   A Carolina victory didn't go unnoticed either, as she kept track of the score throughout and reminded me that the orange team was "Good" and the white team was "Bad".  All accompanied by the frequent finger points to the scoreboard with play by play updates dropped in on occasion.  My favorite memory of the night has to be sitting back and watching her watch the fireworks display overhead.  You could just see her face light up as bright as the night sky that shimmered with each "ooooh" and "aaaaah". 

And probably the most momentous and rough day for me so far...her first day of school.  I cried like a baby as Nastya left the house and rode with LA to school for the first time.  But not Nastya!  She headed out with her head up...confidence in tow...and ready to conquer the world.   The night before her first day I was a basket case and the few moments right before she left for school were right up there on the Daddy worry meter.  But she was cool as ice and made me so proud.

Nastya is beginning to speak more and more English every day and she seems to really enjoy school and the whole learning process.  She just soaks it all up like a sponge.  I am amazed that after five short weeks, Nastya is starting to put thoughts together and trying to put those thoughts into words.  Sometimes you can just see her brain processing everything, like the movements on an antique timepiece...slowly moving in time to move those hands forward.  The nouns are coming really quickly, with the verbs absent most of the time at this point.  But we get what she is trying to say and she knows we get it.  The past, present, and future tense and verb conjugation always got me too!

The emotions of the last couple of weeks run the gamut as well.  If I had to put a "positive/negative meter" on things, I would have to say they have been about 90% positive and 10% negative.  I am not afraid or ashamed to admit that I am struggling with a couple of internal battles that make it hard sometimes though.  Overall though, the postive outway the negative tenfold.

The most difficult battle so far is balancing work and personal life since becoming a PaPa.  My work requires me to travel on occasion.  We have worked so hard to get to this point and I have such intense feelings of guilt when I am not home that it is hard to overcome.  I take great pride in my work and want to do continue to do be successful professionally, but I struggle with how to come to an inner peace on this.  I know that I put in the long hours and travel the miles on the open road to support my family.  I get that.  It is just hard not being home and feeling that I am missing out or that Nastya is missing out on me not being around.

On the other end of the emotion spectrum and in a wierd tie in to the above, our nightly bedtime routine warms my heart to no end.   This past week or so, Nastya has started responding to LA's and my "Good Night Sweetheart", with "Good Night Pa" and "Good Night Ma".

Those three words bring music to my ears and joy to my heart. No matter what life throws at me for the day, when the night winds down and I tuck my sweet little girl into bed and hear those three words, all is right in the world.

To top it all off, this week, I got my first unsolicited "I love Pa".  I had just tucked her into bed and received my customary "sugar" on my cheek and ever exuberant good night "high five".  As I turned to walk out the door and head downstairs to wind down a little, I heard those words and had to do a double take.  I turned around almost in what seemed to be slow motion and said "PaPa loves you too"!  A moment in time that I will never forget.  Ever.

So, in closing, I leave you with this thought and summary of the past five weeks...

I am not sure who is learning more...me or Nastya?  Being a PaPa is pretty darn cool!