Full Circle

Just got home from our first family vacation as a family of three.  As the old saying goes, I need a vacation from my vacation.  Nevertheless, we had a great time and wouldn't trade it for anything in the whole wide world.
I had quite an incredible "Ah Ha" moment this weekend and an epiphany of sorts.  Let me explain.

LA and I have also loved the beach or anything that has to do with water or the beach.  Over the past 14+ years that we have known each other and the 11+ years of marriage, an overwhelming percentage of our vacations have been at the beach.  Probably 90% of them or more have had to do with water, on the water, or at the water.

Our trips haven't been to exotic locales or to any far away places.  We honeymooned in San Diego and stayed on Mission Beach and near Coronado Island.  We've been to practically every beach destination up and down the east coast from Florida to Rhode Island.  Whether just a long weekend or a 10 day journey, we really enjoy the beach. 

So, we thought it only fitting to plan our first family vacation with Nastya to the beach.  We left Friday after school and just got home a little earlier this evening.  It was during this short weekend journey that a portion of my life has come full circle.

Over the years, I cannot count the many days, nights, hours, and minutes that I would sit on the balcony of the resort, condo, or hotel that we were staying and look out into the ocean and just let the waves take away all my stresses.  In the early morning, I would get up and grab a cup of coffee and meander out and watch the sunrise.  In the afternoon, I can just sit for hours and just relax the day away.  In the evening and at night, I sit out and listen to the waves and look up at the stars.  Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall, I absolutely love it.

During these times over the past several years, this has been my "me time". Sometimes I daydream.  Sometime I have little chats with myself.  Sometimes I make lists and take inventory of who I am or what I want to become or things that I have to do.  Sometimes I look at the pretty girls in bikinis walking by.  (Just checking to see if you were still paying attention with that one.)

And sometimes, I have talks with God. The last several trips, I recall the conversations being those of wonder and questioning why things were happening the way they were in my life.  For as long as I can remember, I always left every "sitting" with the simple prayer..."God, please help LA and I to become a Mommy and a Daddy."

I found myself sitting on the balcony of the 19th floor of our condo Friday night, sitting oceanfront in my oversized and quite comfy armchair.  But this time, I didn't have to ask God to help me become a Daddy.  Nastya was sitting right there with me. 

LA was sitting on the other side of Nastya and we were just sitting there looking out at the ocean, listening to the waves crash on the beach.  Nobody was talking.  We were winding down for the evening and getting ready to go to bed.  I had my hand holding Nastya's right hand and LA was gently playing with Nastya's freshly shampooed hair.  As we sat there, I looked up at the stars and said "Thank you God". 

My balcony "me times" have come full circle and I am truly blessed to be a proud son, brother, husband, and now a Papa.  No more angry words with God from the oceanfront balconies on why bad things happen to good people.  But tears of joy, as my heart smiles and Nastya and LA sit right there beside me.    I know that all too soon Nastya won't want to spend time sitting on the balcony with her old "black and gray" haired Papa.  I can promise you that I am going to enjoy every minute while I can!