My Reflections

Ok.  We are safely home in the good ole' US of A.  Have a couple nights of sleep under our belts and slowly starting to get back into our normal routine.  It is an extremely odd feeling to be home, with no events on the calendar or a to do list a mile long.  Since we didn't plan on being home quite yet, we had our calendars clear until the beginning of May for myself and until late May for LA.  In all honesty, it feels kind of nice.

Now, we just sit and wait...again.  It kind of seems like deja vu all over again.  The last waiting period was for our big appointment date with the adoption dept in Ukraine.  Thought all the waiting would be over at this point, but I guess they don't care what I think.  We now wait for our court date and then frantically scramble all over again to make air reservations and pack for another trip.

I am slowly starting to get reacclimated to work.  Only returned to 120 email messages.  Over a 2 week period that isn't too shabby.  Some days I get upwards of 100.   A special shout out to those at work (you know who you are) that have been so gracious, understanding, and accepting of our situation.  It is going to take a little while to get caught up and back into the flow of things, but that was to be expected.  Onward and upward on that front.

As I sit here this evening and type this I cannot help but reflect on a couple of items in particular.  First and foremost, how weird it is to not have Nastya here and not see her everyday.  Mentally, I had prepared for the next time LA was home, we would have our daughter with us.  Nope.  Not yet.

When we first got back, I could not bring myself to look into her room.  Bed neatly made, full of stuffed animals and freshly washed pink, blue, and yellow sheets and pillows.  The couple of books laid out on her night stand.  Some favorites of LA's when she was a little girl and some of the books I enjoyed as a child.  The neatly organized closet with freshly pressed clothes and a few other girly odds and ends.  Already and more so than any other time during this journey, with all this stuff in it...it felt so empty.  Soon, maybe I will bring myself to the point where I can spend some quiet time in there, sitting on the chair thinking of the memories that will soon fill that space.  I guess that will happen more so when LA is actually over there preparing to bring Nastya home for good.  I relish the chance to hear laughter or chatter come from those hallowed walls.  If that room could talk, it would divulge the many hours I stood in the doorway dreaming of having a son or daughter to fill it.  Soon...really soon...that reality will be here.

LA...what can I say about my dear wife.  Without a doubt, the last couple of weeks has brought us to a point in our relationship that we love each other more today than at any other point in our marriage.  Didn't think that could happen to be honest.  We have been through such a grind the last 3-4 years on the baby/child/kids front that we grew really close through all the heartbreak along the way.  I was her crutch when she needed me.  She was mine.  Since this journey began, we knew it was going to be a stressful period of our lives and that we have made a decision to adopt Nastya that will forever change the dynamic of our relationship.  Remarkably and with profound pride, I must let you know how proud I am of LA during this time and how much I am looking forward to seeing her be a Mommy.  From the girl down the street that I used to take notice as she washed her car, wearing a pair of umbro shorts, highlighting her oh so sexy legs...to the friend that used to tolerate guys night at Applebee's watching Monday Night Football with us...to my live in roommate in a 2 bedroom apt overlooking Lake Lynn...to my financee...my wife...and soon to be the mother of my daughter.  What a journey.  What a ride. 

What did I learn from this first 2 week journey?

I learned that no matter how much you plan, your plan is not the master plan.  God is in total control and will guide you along the way.  He holds your hand and walks you through the cobblestone streets and along the grassy knolls.  You must have faith that he doesn't give you anything you cannot handle.  Sometimes though, God's sense of humor is kind of hard to digest....

I learned that LA is my best friend.  Not a new lesson learned, but one further set in concrete.

I learned that I am kind of tired of eating grilled ham, egg, and cheese sandwiches, accompanied by white rice.  Please do not take any offense LA...I enjoyed your cooking while there and my waist line has benefitted, but a little variation and some home cooking is in my plan the next couple of days.

I learned that the counsel that you receive is not always accurate.  Not intentionally inaccurate.  Not deliberate by any means.  But I have learned to take counsel with a grain of salt; process and prepare your mind for the counsel you receive, but also be open to "surprises" and "unprecedented" alterations to those words of guidance.

I learned that family is the most important element of my life.  I missed my Mom, Dad, and Petunia.  I am extremely blessed to that I usually get to talk to them every day.  Not being able to do that while gone left a little empty place in my heart.   John and Vicky, you have been instrumental in our progress and I feel we have grown closer than ever before.  Much love to you all.

I learned AND confirmed how much I want to be a Daddy.  That girl has stolen my heart and it is clear that it won't be long before she has me wrapped around that little finger of hers.  I cannot wait for her to be here with us as an official Puskar. 

I learned that patience is needed in this process and that we now must wait.  This wait is no easier or any harder than the first.  A little harder to accept and understand, but I have realized that it is out of our control.

I learned that we have great friends that love us and support us.  All of you reading this are appreciated and thanks will never be enough. 

Until next time...