Patience is a Virtue

Ever heard that phrase uttered from a paternal or maternal figure?  I have. 

It is the single hardest virtue to wrap my arms around at this very moment though.  The waiting is taking its toll and it is getting harder and harder to be patient.

We were advised prior to leaving Ukraine that we would receive an update no later than April 20th.  April 20th came.  April 20th went.  It is now nearing the end of the day on April 21st.  Nothing.  Patience huh?

When LA and I found out that we were going to encounter a delay in our process, admittedly, we had a little pity party.  As we thought about it more and talked through it, we realized that we could do nothing about the situation.  At that moment, a very vivid moment in my mind...a Wednesday afternoon to be exact...we came to the conclusion that we needed to make the best decision we could, using our brains rather than our hearts.  So, we decided to return home and wait it out from there.  That is the decision that made the most logical sense with the time table we were facing.

As you may have read in one of my earlier posts, we were doing our best to take the lemons that were handed to us and make lemonade.  Let me just tell you something...after a while, if you drink too much lemonade and that is all you drink for a long time, you start to get sick of lemonade. 

For those of you that have acid reflux or acidic beverages give you heart burn...you know what I mean.  Or have you ever forgotten you had a small ulcer or cold sore on the inside of your cheek and then drank something acidic, i.e. this fabulous lemonade, and were quickly reminded of this nimble flaw?  Or even better yet...you just brushed your teeth with the latest and greatest teeth whitening Scope flavored toothpaste...then took a swallow of some lemonade?  That is the taste in my mouth right now.  And no, its not from either of these quirky reminders.

While I am on the topic of lemons...

Those that know me best, know that I enjoy a small slice of lemon in my unsweetened iced tea or a small wedge garnishing a Diet Coke or a cold glass of water. Without a doubt, these are my go to beverages of choice, no matter the destination, climate, or condition.  And my Mom is very well aware of the fact that there is nothing more in the kitchen chore world that I don't like doing...cutting up a ripe whole lemon to be able to have on hand for such a drink. 

Ironic huh?  My favorite drinks and yet my least favorite kitchen chore...

I need to make a special shout out to Mom for always having them neatly cut and in an old butter or cottage cheese container in her fridge marked "Eric".  Taking the time out of her schedule to buy, cut, and package these little morsels.  Allowing me to take some home with me for this very reason.  And may I add, she cuts them to the perfect size so that I can squeeze one through the whole in the top of a bottle of Aquafina too!

I digressed for a second, my apologies...but Mom is extremely deserving of that little side bar.

What I was getting at before my little diversion, was that the emotional tool from the waiting is starting to add up.  For me personally, this wait is harder than the wait we had prior to making our first trip to see Nastya.  Our first wait was well over 7 months.  Our current wait is approaching 14 days.

While we were over there, we got to spend quality time with her.  See her in her environment.  Hear her call me Papa.  Swing on the monkey bars together.  Share a hug and see her radiant smile.  Play hide and seek in the waiting area of the office.  (And may I add, despite my rather stout girth, I play a mean game of hide and seek.)

This was time that actually felt like we were a family already.  A feeling that I never experienced before from the Daddy side of things.  And now that I have experienced that, it is really hard to be separated from her.  I am not naive enough to think that I am officially her father yet, but in my heart I am.  I have been ever since I saw her.  That is what makes the waiting so hard at this point.

That and the unknown.  Up until this point, we have had an idea of the time frame.  Ever since we started the initial home study paperwork, we kind of had an idea of the time frame associated with each step.  Now, we don't have a clue and its hard to wrap my head, brain, AND heart around.

Don't take what I am saying wrong though.  I have the utmost confidence in the people that are working their magic for us.  I know they have our best interests at heart and are doing what they can to navigate the ever changing waters for us.  Deep, deep, deep down, I know that.  Nonetheless, that piece of confidence doesn't take away the emptiness of the wait. 

A couple valuable lessons that I have learned from this whole emotional mess are that once your heart is involved, life gets progressively more difficult.  And, having felt the feelings I felt when we spent time together those 5 days, I walked away with a greater sense of purpose.  Life is no longer about me...or me and LA...its about Nastya.   

I cannot help but relate our process to the Easter holiday and all its tragic and ultimately glorious moments.  Am I feeling what the apostles and people felt waiting for Jesus to be crucified, buried, and to rise from the dead?  When the people were promised that on the third day he would rise and they had to wait?  Patiently wait for scripture to be fulfilled?

So, as this Easter weekend is upon us and we enter the most holy of times, I pray that God grants me the patience needed to get through this process.  That he holds Nastya's hand during this waiting period.  That he fills Nastya's heart with the love that LA and I have for her. And that he guides the efforts of those in control of our situation.

At a very early age my Mom embedded in my thick skull that patience is a virtue.  As I have grown up and especially over the past couple of years, Mom and I have often joked with each other, "Lord, give me patience...but give it to me now."  Well Lord...I am waiting...patiently...