As the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. With that said, this is going to be the last post to this blog for a little while. I may re-visit it in a few months, but for the most part, this is it.
I originally created this blog to share our story in our journey to adopt Nastya. It slowly turned into a means to update everyone stateside while we were traveling abroad. Then, it became a method of communicating our new family experiences.
Now, I think it is time to sign off.
I thank each and every one of you for reading and following our journey to Bring Nastya Home. It has been quite a year. One in which we experienced new things and learned what God has planned for my family.
Without a doubt, this entire process would't have been possible without your prayers, love, support, and contributions.
I am the proud Papa of the best 11 year old in the whole wide world. One..five...ten years ago, would I have envisioned this process of starting a family? No way! But it is abundantly clear that God is in control and he works wonders. LA and I are blessed to have Nastya as our daughter. A little over 3 months into our new family life, we are continuing to learn how to be a family. I am learning way more from Nastya that she is from me and I am so proud of her for what she has accomplished.
I leave you with this...
Dream big. It's okay to question why bad things happen to good people. Jump in the deep end. Believe that God is in control. And never ever take anything for granted.
I love you Nastya!
With all my love...your proud Papa...
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Full Circle
Just got home from our first family vacation as a family of three. As the old saying goes, I need a vacation from my vacation. Nevertheless, we had a great time and wouldn't trade it for anything in the whole wide world.
I had quite an incredible "Ah Ha" moment this weekend and an epiphany of sorts. Let me explain.
LA and I have also loved the beach or anything that has to do with water or the beach. Over the past 14+ years that we have known each other and the 11+ years of marriage, an overwhelming percentage of our vacations have been at the beach. Probably 90% of them or more have had to do with water, on the water, or at the water.
Our trips haven't been to exotic locales or to any far away places. We honeymooned in San Diego and stayed on Mission Beach and near Coronado Island. We've been to practically every beach destination up and down the east coast from Florida to Rhode Island. Whether just a long weekend or a 10 day journey, we really enjoy the beach.
So, we thought it only fitting to plan our first family vacation with Nastya to the beach. We left Friday after school and just got home a little earlier this evening. It was during this short weekend journey that a portion of my life has come full circle.
Over the years, I cannot count the many days, nights, hours, and minutes that I would sit on the balcony of the resort, condo, or hotel that we were staying and look out into the ocean and just let the waves take away all my stresses. In the early morning, I would get up and grab a cup of coffee and meander out and watch the sunrise. In the afternoon, I can just sit for hours and just relax the day away. In the evening and at night, I sit out and listen to the waves and look up at the stars. Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall, I absolutely love it.
During these times over the past several years, this has been my "me time". Sometimes I daydream. Sometime I have little chats with myself. Sometimes I make lists and take inventory of who I am or what I want to become or things that I have to do. Sometimes I look at the pretty girls in bikinis walking by. (Just checking to see if you were still paying attention with that one.)
And sometimes, I have talks with God. The last several trips, I recall the conversations being those of wonder and questioning why things were happening the way they were in my life. For as long as I can remember, I always left every "sitting" with the simple prayer..."God, please help LA and I to become a Mommy and a Daddy."
I found myself sitting on the balcony of the 19th floor of our condo Friday night, sitting oceanfront in my oversized and quite comfy armchair. But this time, I didn't have to ask God to help me become a Daddy. Nastya was sitting right there with me.
LA was sitting on the other side of Nastya and we were just sitting there looking out at the ocean, listening to the waves crash on the beach. Nobody was talking. We were winding down for the evening and getting ready to go to bed. I had my hand holding Nastya's right hand and LA was gently playing with Nastya's freshly shampooed hair. As we sat there, I looked up at the stars and said "Thank you God".
My balcony "me times" have come full circle and I am truly blessed to be a proud son, brother, husband, and now a Papa. No more angry words with God from the oceanfront balconies on why bad things happen to good people. But tears of joy, as my heart smiles and Nastya and LA sit right there beside me. I know that all too soon Nastya won't want to spend time sitting on the balcony with her old "black and gray" haired Papa. I can promise you that I am going to enjoy every minute while I can!
I had quite an incredible "Ah Ha" moment this weekend and an epiphany of sorts. Let me explain.
LA and I have also loved the beach or anything that has to do with water or the beach. Over the past 14+ years that we have known each other and the 11+ years of marriage, an overwhelming percentage of our vacations have been at the beach. Probably 90% of them or more have had to do with water, on the water, or at the water.
Our trips haven't been to exotic locales or to any far away places. We honeymooned in San Diego and stayed on Mission Beach and near Coronado Island. We've been to practically every beach destination up and down the east coast from Florida to Rhode Island. Whether just a long weekend or a 10 day journey, we really enjoy the beach.
So, we thought it only fitting to plan our first family vacation with Nastya to the beach. We left Friday after school and just got home a little earlier this evening. It was during this short weekend journey that a portion of my life has come full circle.
Over the years, I cannot count the many days, nights, hours, and minutes that I would sit on the balcony of the resort, condo, or hotel that we were staying and look out into the ocean and just let the waves take away all my stresses. In the early morning, I would get up and grab a cup of coffee and meander out and watch the sunrise. In the afternoon, I can just sit for hours and just relax the day away. In the evening and at night, I sit out and listen to the waves and look up at the stars. Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall, I absolutely love it.
During these times over the past several years, this has been my "me time". Sometimes I daydream. Sometime I have little chats with myself. Sometimes I make lists and take inventory of who I am or what I want to become or things that I have to do. Sometimes I look at the pretty girls in bikinis walking by. (Just checking to see if you were still paying attention with that one.)
And sometimes, I have talks with God. The last several trips, I recall the conversations being those of wonder and questioning why things were happening the way they were in my life. For as long as I can remember, I always left every "sitting" with the simple prayer..."God, please help LA and I to become a Mommy and a Daddy."
I found myself sitting on the balcony of the 19th floor of our condo Friday night, sitting oceanfront in my oversized and quite comfy armchair. But this time, I didn't have to ask God to help me become a Daddy. Nastya was sitting right there with me.
LA was sitting on the other side of Nastya and we were just sitting there looking out at the ocean, listening to the waves crash on the beach. Nobody was talking. We were winding down for the evening and getting ready to go to bed. I had my hand holding Nastya's right hand and LA was gently playing with Nastya's freshly shampooed hair. As we sat there, I looked up at the stars and said "Thank you God".
My balcony "me times" have come full circle and I am truly blessed to be a proud son, brother, husband, and now a Papa. No more angry words with God from the oceanfront balconies on why bad things happen to good people. But tears of joy, as my heart smiles and Nastya and LA sit right there beside me. I know that all too soon Nastya won't want to spend time sitting on the balcony with her old "black and gray" haired Papa. I can promise you that I am going to enjoy every minute while I can!
Friday, August 19, 2011
Life Lessons
It has been 78 days since LA and Nastya came home.
As of 9:30pm tonight, it will have been 1872 hours...111,320 minutes...6,739,200 seconds...but who is counting?
The easiest way to describe the last 6.7 million seconds is simple. Absolutely, positively, and overwhelmingly the best 111,320 minutes of my life!
Even though it hasn't been all rainbows and roses the entire time, I firmly believe that everyone's life that Nastya has touched in her short time with us has changed for the better. I would also hope that Nastya's life has changed for the better and that she is learning as much from her new family as she is teaching.
I want to share just a few of the things that this proud Papa has learned from this darling little 11 year old. Some belly jiggling hilarious and others rather profound and earth shattering. But good life lessons nonetheless.
In no particular order...here I go...
* The idea of taking a nap as a 37 year old Papa doesn't ring the same tune for an 11 year old girl.
* English is a really hard language to learn. Case in point...why do we pronounce the letter "W" the way we do, when it actually looks like two "V"s put together? And whoever decided that "you" is pronounced "u" and the first two letters are there but are silent?
* Its okay to laugh at yourself and have a good time, even if it means a scraped up knee and elbow from falling off your skateboard.
* Strawberry yogurt is much better than strawberry/banana yogurt and black cherry flavor doesn't necessarily taste the same as cherry flavor.
* Scooby Doo can be your hero.
* It doesn't matter what direction you fold the towels or Papa's hanker chiefs as long as you get them folded and put away, aka... don't sweat the small stuff.
* A vanilla cone with cherry dip from Dairy Queen is indeed the highlight of the summer.
* On Big Brother, why is it that when the contestants say they are going home after an eviction, they are actually leaving the home that is the focal point and premise of the show?
* Pillow fighting is cool and throwing water balloons is ten times more fun.
* Thunderstorms can still be scary at 1 o'clock in the morning.
* Picking up Daisy's poop isn't fun at all, but a necessary part of life.
* Sometimes life is hard and learning new things can be frustrating, no matter how smart or how old you are.
* In "American Football" why do you only get 1 point for kicking the ball through the 2 yellow sticks sometimes and get 3 points other times?
* Going to the pool is fun, even if you have to suffer through Mama or Papa smearing sunblock all over you.
* Live your life like a sponge and soak up everything and everyone as much as you can.
I could probably keep listing these little tidbits until I got 78, one for each day she has been with us. Now that I think about it, I could probably come up with 1872 which would be one for each hour she has been home. But for everyone's sake, I will stop on the sponge one. It seems the most profound stopping point and pinpoints the remarkable progress, joy, and love that Nastya has brought into my life.
Here's to life lessons learned and a big thank you to the best daughter in the world for making the last 6,739,200 seconds the best times of your Papa's life!
As of 9:30pm tonight, it will have been 1872 hours...111,320 minutes...6,739,200 seconds...but who is counting?
The easiest way to describe the last 6.7 million seconds is simple. Absolutely, positively, and overwhelmingly the best 111,320 minutes of my life!
Even though it hasn't been all rainbows and roses the entire time, I firmly believe that everyone's life that Nastya has touched in her short time with us has changed for the better. I would also hope that Nastya's life has changed for the better and that she is learning as much from her new family as she is teaching.
I want to share just a few of the things that this proud Papa has learned from this darling little 11 year old. Some belly jiggling hilarious and others rather profound and earth shattering. But good life lessons nonetheless.
In no particular order...here I go...
* The idea of taking a nap as a 37 year old Papa doesn't ring the same tune for an 11 year old girl.
* English is a really hard language to learn. Case in point...why do we pronounce the letter "W" the way we do, when it actually looks like two "V"s put together? And whoever decided that "you" is pronounced "u" and the first two letters are there but are silent?
* Its okay to laugh at yourself and have a good time, even if it means a scraped up knee and elbow from falling off your skateboard.
* Strawberry yogurt is much better than strawberry/banana yogurt and black cherry flavor doesn't necessarily taste the same as cherry flavor.
* Scooby Doo can be your hero.
* It doesn't matter what direction you fold the towels or Papa's hanker chiefs as long as you get them folded and put away, aka... don't sweat the small stuff.
* A vanilla cone with cherry dip from Dairy Queen is indeed the highlight of the summer.
* On Big Brother, why is it that when the contestants say they are going home after an eviction, they are actually leaving the home that is the focal point and premise of the show?
* Pillow fighting is cool and throwing water balloons is ten times more fun.
* Thunderstorms can still be scary at 1 o'clock in the morning.
* Picking up Daisy's poop isn't fun at all, but a necessary part of life.
* Sometimes life is hard and learning new things can be frustrating, no matter how smart or how old you are.
* In "American Football" why do you only get 1 point for kicking the ball through the 2 yellow sticks sometimes and get 3 points other times?
* Going to the pool is fun, even if you have to suffer through Mama or Papa smearing sunblock all over you.
* Live your life like a sponge and soak up everything and everyone as much as you can.
I could probably keep listing these little tidbits until I got 78, one for each day she has been with us. Now that I think about it, I could probably come up with 1872 which would be one for each hour she has been home. But for everyone's sake, I will stop on the sponge one. It seems the most profound stopping point and pinpoints the remarkable progress, joy, and love that Nastya has brought into my life.
Here's to life lessons learned and a big thank you to the best daughter in the world for making the last 6,739,200 seconds the best times of your Papa's life!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Cuckoo Nastya
I have definitely come to the conclusion that I am learning far more from Nastya than she is learning from me.
Simple things. Complicated things. And everything in between.
Her perspective on life, family, and her new world as a whole is quite amazing to witness. Not a day goes by that something she says or does just puts a smile on my face, gives me a nugget of "food for thought", or just a plain belly shaking laugh. And Lord knows, I have quite a belly to shake when she makes me laugh!
Probably the biggest lesson I have learned from Nastya is that no matter what the circumstance, when all else fails, laugh. And, its okay to laugh at yourself.
Tonight's agenda is a perfect example to illustrate this very point.
For the last couple weeks, Thursday night has been Papa/Nastya night, as LA has had to work. We have kind of set a routine for our nights together and it includes a rather lengthly walk with Daisy. So, I don my tennis shoes, grab Daisy's leash, and head out into the 100 degree heat ready to conquer the world. Nastya puts on her "bike riding" tennis shoes, gets her bike out of the garage, puts on her helmet, and we head out.
Tonight was a little more adventurous than our normal path. Instead of our normal route, despite the 105 degree heat index, we took a longer and more indirect route. On our journey, not once, but twice, Nastya wasn't paying attention to what she was doing and crashed her bike, falling onto the turf. The first one, she said "the grass jumped up" and got in her way; and the second time, one of Raleigh infamous green monster trash cans just magically grew legs and jumped into her path. Neither of them were hard collisions nor were they anything to be worried about for her safety. But the best reaction in the world followed both events...
Nastya gracefully untangled her legs from the bike that has fallen on top of her, brushed off the bermuda grass from her shirt, shorts, socks, and she starts chuckling; shaking her head in disbelief and uttering the words "Cuckoo Nastya".
What could have been two dramatic events with scraped knees, hurt feelings, and a banged up bike (which is her pride and joy possession at this point), turned into a pretty cool moment. Those 2 simple words puts it all in perspective.
One more quick story along those same lines.
A few days ago, Nastya and I went to the local Harris Teeter grocery store to pick up a couple items. On our way out, she picked out a complimentary yellow balloon to take home. We got to the car to load the groceries in the trunk and she insisted in loading them all by herself. So, I stepped back and let her do her thing. When we got home, we went to unload them and this is where the second lesson was learned.
There were 4 paper bags full of groceries and 2 gallons of milk to bring into the house. Nastya quickly did the math and decided that she would take 2 bags and 1 gallon of milk and I was to take the other 2 bags and gallon of milk. Not forgetting the balloon and having her hands full, I could see her calculating how to carry it in the house as well. I sat back and watched the wheels spin in her head for a brief second as she decided that she would put the string in her mouth.
4 bags of groceries....check.
2 gallons of milk...check.
1 yellow balloon...check.
We made our way into the house and were walking up our driveway into the garage with groceries (and balloon) in tote. Not thinking that the balloon was so carefully placed between her lips, I turned to ask her if she was okay carrying the 2 bags and gallon of milk. Without hesitation, she opened her mouth and yep you guessed it. Bye Bye balloon.
Once again, without hesitation, Nastya didn't cry or get upset, but just started chuckling in such a manner that made me start to laugh too. We looked up to the sky and there went the Harris Teeter balloon. At this point, I realized that this was a moment to cherish and just have a good laugh with her. We put the groceries and milk down on the driveway and watched as the balloon slowly drifted westward and upward into the heavens. After 5 minutes of watching the balloon float into the distance and with what is now warm milk, some previously frozen ice cream, and some cold items that are now luke warm, from sitting in the driveway as we watched this balloon sail into the sunset, she looked at me and said "Nastya and yellow balloon cuckoo".
As weird as it may sound, that five minute period was one of the coolest Papa/Nastya moments to date. And by the way Harris Teeter, I am still waiting for our royalty check for the 5 free minutes of advertising over North Raleigh as the balloon drifted over neighborhoods and probably dropped into someones yard miles away.
Both of these events taught me that you cannot take yourself too seriously. In the eyes of a child, loosing a balloon and crashing your bike could be tragic events. But not for Nastya. She just laughed and chalked it up to a couple new life lessons learned.
If by chance in the future life throws you a curve ball, just take a lesson from Nastya and say "Cuckoo Life". I know I will.
Simple things. Complicated things. And everything in between.
Her perspective on life, family, and her new world as a whole is quite amazing to witness. Not a day goes by that something she says or does just puts a smile on my face, gives me a nugget of "food for thought", or just a plain belly shaking laugh. And Lord knows, I have quite a belly to shake when she makes me laugh!
Probably the biggest lesson I have learned from Nastya is that no matter what the circumstance, when all else fails, laugh. And, its okay to laugh at yourself.
Tonight's agenda is a perfect example to illustrate this very point.
For the last couple weeks, Thursday night has been Papa/Nastya night, as LA has had to work. We have kind of set a routine for our nights together and it includes a rather lengthly walk with Daisy. So, I don my tennis shoes, grab Daisy's leash, and head out into the 100 degree heat ready to conquer the world. Nastya puts on her "bike riding" tennis shoes, gets her bike out of the garage, puts on her helmet, and we head out.
Tonight was a little more adventurous than our normal path. Instead of our normal route, despite the 105 degree heat index, we took a longer and more indirect route. On our journey, not once, but twice, Nastya wasn't paying attention to what she was doing and crashed her bike, falling onto the turf. The first one, she said "the grass jumped up" and got in her way; and the second time, one of Raleigh infamous green monster trash cans just magically grew legs and jumped into her path. Neither of them were hard collisions nor were they anything to be worried about for her safety. But the best reaction in the world followed both events...
Nastya gracefully untangled her legs from the bike that has fallen on top of her, brushed off the bermuda grass from her shirt, shorts, socks, and she starts chuckling; shaking her head in disbelief and uttering the words "Cuckoo Nastya".
What could have been two dramatic events with scraped knees, hurt feelings, and a banged up bike (which is her pride and joy possession at this point), turned into a pretty cool moment. Those 2 simple words puts it all in perspective.
One more quick story along those same lines.
A few days ago, Nastya and I went to the local Harris Teeter grocery store to pick up a couple items. On our way out, she picked out a complimentary yellow balloon to take home. We got to the car to load the groceries in the trunk and she insisted in loading them all by herself. So, I stepped back and let her do her thing. When we got home, we went to unload them and this is where the second lesson was learned.
There were 4 paper bags full of groceries and 2 gallons of milk to bring into the house. Nastya quickly did the math and decided that she would take 2 bags and 1 gallon of milk and I was to take the other 2 bags and gallon of milk. Not forgetting the balloon and having her hands full, I could see her calculating how to carry it in the house as well. I sat back and watched the wheels spin in her head for a brief second as she decided that she would put the string in her mouth.
4 bags of groceries....check.
2 gallons of milk...check.
1 yellow balloon...check.
We made our way into the house and were walking up our driveway into the garage with groceries (and balloon) in tote. Not thinking that the balloon was so carefully placed between her lips, I turned to ask her if she was okay carrying the 2 bags and gallon of milk. Without hesitation, she opened her mouth and yep you guessed it. Bye Bye balloon.
Once again, without hesitation, Nastya didn't cry or get upset, but just started chuckling in such a manner that made me start to laugh too. We looked up to the sky and there went the Harris Teeter balloon. At this point, I realized that this was a moment to cherish and just have a good laugh with her. We put the groceries and milk down on the driveway and watched as the balloon slowly drifted westward and upward into the heavens. After 5 minutes of watching the balloon float into the distance and with what is now warm milk, some previously frozen ice cream, and some cold items that are now luke warm, from sitting in the driveway as we watched this balloon sail into the sunset, she looked at me and said "Nastya and yellow balloon cuckoo".
As weird as it may sound, that five minute period was one of the coolest Papa/Nastya moments to date. And by the way Harris Teeter, I am still waiting for our royalty check for the 5 free minutes of advertising over North Raleigh as the balloon drifted over neighborhoods and probably dropped into someones yard miles away.
Both of these events taught me that you cannot take yourself too seriously. In the eyes of a child, loosing a balloon and crashing your bike could be tragic events. But not for Nastya. She just laughed and chalked it up to a couple new life lessons learned.
If by chance in the future life throws you a curve ball, just take a lesson from Nastya and say "Cuckoo Life". I know I will.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Good Night Pa
Can you believe it? As I sit here tonight, it has been over 5 weeks since we welcomed Nastya home. And I must say, it has been a great 5 weeks. Not a day goes by that I don't count my blessings and thank God for what he has done for our family.
It has been a rather busy few weeks with lots of new experiences for Nastya and us as a new family. It is so neat to watch Nastya learn, grow, and try and conquer this new world that she now calls home. No matter what the challenge at hand, she tackles it with gusto and embraces the opportunities that are put in front of her.
There have been two big highlights in our last couple of weeks since my last post. The 4th of July holiday weekend and Nastya's first day of school. This year more than any other, I truly understand the importance of this holiday and how fortunate we are to be Americans. Having traveled to a far away land and having experienced a new culture and way of life during this past year, I appreciate what we have in the good ole' US of A even more.
The 4th of July weekend was a great time for us. We celebrated in grand style and kicked off "Happy Birthday America" with a cookout at MiMi and PopPop's house. Nastya had a blast...no pun intended. We shot off fireworks, lit sparklers, and started the weekend with a bang. The highlight of the evening for me was watching her face light up as we set off fireworks and watching her chase and try to catch the paratrooper that fell from the sky out of the middle of a couple of them. And might I add...she was a perfect two for two!
We also went to our first Carolina Railhawks game as a family, where we wrapped up the night watching a festive fireworks display. It was so cool just sitting back and watching her take it all in. This was her first experience around such a large group of people. Watching Swoops, the ever so popular Railhawks mascot, wander around the stadium, and people watching got the biggest "Oh My Gosh" reactions of the night. A Carolina victory didn't go unnoticed either, as she kept track of the score throughout and reminded me that the orange team was "Good" and the white team was "Bad". All accompanied by the frequent finger points to the scoreboard with play by play updates dropped in on occasion. My favorite memory of the night has to be sitting back and watching her watch the fireworks display overhead. You could just see her face light up as bright as the night sky that shimmered with each "ooooh" and "aaaaah".
And probably the most momentous and rough day for me so far...her first day of school. I cried like a baby as Nastya left the house and rode with LA to school for the first time. But not Nastya! She headed out with her head up...confidence in tow...and ready to conquer the world. The night before her first day I was a basket case and the few moments right before she left for school were right up there on the Daddy worry meter. But she was cool as ice and made me so proud.
Nastya is beginning to speak more and more English every day and she seems to really enjoy school and the whole learning process. She just soaks it all up like a sponge. I am amazed that after five short weeks, Nastya is starting to put thoughts together and trying to put those thoughts into words. Sometimes you can just see her brain processing everything, like the movements on an antique timepiece...slowly moving in time to move those hands forward. The nouns are coming really quickly, with the verbs absent most of the time at this point. But we get what she is trying to say and she knows we get it. The past, present, and future tense and verb conjugation always got me too!
The emotions of the last couple of weeks run the gamut as well. If I had to put a "positive/negative meter" on things, I would have to say they have been about 90% positive and 10% negative. I am not afraid or ashamed to admit that I am struggling with a couple of internal battles that make it hard sometimes though. Overall though, the postive outway the negative tenfold.
The most difficult battle so far is balancing work and personal life since becoming a PaPa. My work requires me to travel on occasion. We have worked so hard to get to this point and I have such intense feelings of guilt when I am not home that it is hard to overcome. I take great pride in my work and want to do continue to do be successful professionally, but I struggle with how to come to an inner peace on this. I know that I put in the long hours and travel the miles on the open road to support my family. I get that. It is just hard not being home and feeling that I am missing out or that Nastya is missing out on me not being around.
On the other end of the emotion spectrum and in a wierd tie in to the above, our nightly bedtime routine warms my heart to no end. This past week or so, Nastya has started responding to LA's and my "Good Night Sweetheart", with "Good Night Pa" and "Good Night Ma".
Those three words bring music to my ears and joy to my heart. No matter what life throws at me for the day, when the night winds down and I tuck my sweet little girl into bed and hear those three words, all is right in the world.
To top it all off, this week, I got my first unsolicited "I love Pa". I had just tucked her into bed and received my customary "sugar" on my cheek and ever exuberant good night "high five". As I turned to walk out the door and head downstairs to wind down a little, I heard those words and had to do a double take. I turned around almost in what seemed to be slow motion and said "PaPa loves you too"! A moment in time that I will never forget. Ever.
So, in closing, I leave you with this thought and summary of the past five weeks...
I am not sure who is learning more...me or Nastya? Being a PaPa is pretty darn cool!
It has been a rather busy few weeks with lots of new experiences for Nastya and us as a new family. It is so neat to watch Nastya learn, grow, and try and conquer this new world that she now calls home. No matter what the challenge at hand, she tackles it with gusto and embraces the opportunities that are put in front of her.
There have been two big highlights in our last couple of weeks since my last post. The 4th of July holiday weekend and Nastya's first day of school. This year more than any other, I truly understand the importance of this holiday and how fortunate we are to be Americans. Having traveled to a far away land and having experienced a new culture and way of life during this past year, I appreciate what we have in the good ole' US of A even more.
The 4th of July weekend was a great time for us. We celebrated in grand style and kicked off "Happy Birthday America" with a cookout at MiMi and PopPop's house. Nastya had a blast...no pun intended. We shot off fireworks, lit sparklers, and started the weekend with a bang. The highlight of the evening for me was watching her face light up as we set off fireworks and watching her chase and try to catch the paratrooper that fell from the sky out of the middle of a couple of them. And might I add...she was a perfect two for two!
We also went to our first Carolina Railhawks game as a family, where we wrapped up the night watching a festive fireworks display. It was so cool just sitting back and watching her take it all in. This was her first experience around such a large group of people. Watching Swoops, the ever so popular Railhawks mascot, wander around the stadium, and people watching got the biggest "Oh My Gosh" reactions of the night. A Carolina victory didn't go unnoticed either, as she kept track of the score throughout and reminded me that the orange team was "Good" and the white team was "Bad". All accompanied by the frequent finger points to the scoreboard with play by play updates dropped in on occasion. My favorite memory of the night has to be sitting back and watching her watch the fireworks display overhead. You could just see her face light up as bright as the night sky that shimmered with each "ooooh" and "aaaaah".
And probably the most momentous and rough day for me so far...her first day of school. I cried like a baby as Nastya left the house and rode with LA to school for the first time. But not Nastya! She headed out with her head up...confidence in tow...and ready to conquer the world. The night before her first day I was a basket case and the few moments right before she left for school were right up there on the Daddy worry meter. But she was cool as ice and made me so proud.
Nastya is beginning to speak more and more English every day and she seems to really enjoy school and the whole learning process. She just soaks it all up like a sponge. I am amazed that after five short weeks, Nastya is starting to put thoughts together and trying to put those thoughts into words. Sometimes you can just see her brain processing everything, like the movements on an antique timepiece...slowly moving in time to move those hands forward. The nouns are coming really quickly, with the verbs absent most of the time at this point. But we get what she is trying to say and she knows we get it. The past, present, and future tense and verb conjugation always got me too!
The emotions of the last couple of weeks run the gamut as well. If I had to put a "positive/negative meter" on things, I would have to say they have been about 90% positive and 10% negative. I am not afraid or ashamed to admit that I am struggling with a couple of internal battles that make it hard sometimes though. Overall though, the postive outway the negative tenfold.
The most difficult battle so far is balancing work and personal life since becoming a PaPa. My work requires me to travel on occasion. We have worked so hard to get to this point and I have such intense feelings of guilt when I am not home that it is hard to overcome. I take great pride in my work and want to do continue to do be successful professionally, but I struggle with how to come to an inner peace on this. I know that I put in the long hours and travel the miles on the open road to support my family. I get that. It is just hard not being home and feeling that I am missing out or that Nastya is missing out on me not being around.
On the other end of the emotion spectrum and in a wierd tie in to the above, our nightly bedtime routine warms my heart to no end. This past week or so, Nastya has started responding to LA's and my "Good Night Sweetheart", with "Good Night Pa" and "Good Night Ma".
Those three words bring music to my ears and joy to my heart. No matter what life throws at me for the day, when the night winds down and I tuck my sweet little girl into bed and hear those three words, all is right in the world.
To top it all off, this week, I got my first unsolicited "I love Pa". I had just tucked her into bed and received my customary "sugar" on my cheek and ever exuberant good night "high five". As I turned to walk out the door and head downstairs to wind down a little, I heard those words and had to do a double take. I turned around almost in what seemed to be slow motion and said "PaPa loves you too"! A moment in time that I will never forget. Ever.
So, in closing, I leave you with this thought and summary of the past five weeks...
I am not sure who is learning more...me or Nastya? Being a PaPa is pretty darn cool!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
My Heart is Smiling
If today and the past week are what dreams are made of, I never want to wake up! Today was my very first Father's Day and was a wonderful culmination of a wonderful week.
Over the years, male friends of mine that have had kids have always said that it is a feeling like no other to see your kids grow up and experience all that life brings their way. That you no longer get up in the morning and just to go through the motions, but you awaken with a renewed vigor every morning for the sole purpose of loving your kids.
This week brought these emotions to the forefront and for the first time, I got to experience this remarkable feeling every single day. In a way, ever since Nastya and LA showed up at RDU a little over two weeks ago, I have felt a new feeling that I had never experienced. But until this week, I really couldn't pinpoint what the feeling was.
In preparation for writing this update tonight, over the past couple days I have thought long and hard to find the right words to describe this feeling. The closest that I can get is that "my heart is smiling". Through and through, this week has been a true blessing in every sense of the word.
It has been a week of many firsts for me, our family, and Nastya. Going into the week, there was a hidden potential for a rough week. But as I sit here tonight, I can say that the Puskars, especially Nastya came through with flying colors.
Since my last post, it has been quite a busy week. Last Saturday we started off the weekend with my Mom's birthday celebration and then were honored to be invited to share in two other homecoming and birthday parties on Sunday for some dear friends of ours that have adopted kids from the same program that we did. When Nastya went to bed Sunday night, I can only imagine that she was thinking that her new family does a lot of partying!
Monday started off with Nastya's first appointment with the pediatrician. This is where the potential for disaster could have started. 7 shots and 4 vials of blood later, LA walked out of the appointment with Nastya and MiMi with smiles and some pretty cool looking band aids to show her battle wounds!
Wednesday was my second favorite day of the week this week. Last week, Nastya had expressed interest in wanting to get her ears pierced. So, knowing that this week was going to be doozy with her dr appointment and everything, we scheduled a fun outing for her. Thanks to MiMi and PopPop, Nastya picked out some new purple earrings bearing her birthstone and bravely got her ears pierced. And at Nastya's request, I stood by her side holding her hand as the very kind lady at Merle Norman did the piercing. I don't know who had more fun, me or Nastya, as this is one of the events at the top of the list that I have always wanted to share with a daughter.
Thursday brought another first for Nastya, as she visited the dentist with LA. Because dental hygiene and going to the dentist is such a foreign concept to Nastya, we made special arrangements with our dentist for LA to have her cleaning, with Nastya watching. We also arranged for a family friend to come and translate for Nastya and explain the whole process to her. Thanks to Dr. Foy and her great team, and our friend Katerina, Nastya left feeling comfortable about the process and we have scheduled her appointment for the upcoming weeks. Once again, another possible bump in the road avoided.
This weekend was a busy one as well. My Uncle Larry and Aunt Carol from Pennsylvania came to town to visit with us and to meet Nastya. Not trying to suck up or anything, but Uncle Larry and Aunt Carol are the side of the family you don't just feel obligated to see, but really relish the chance to spend time with and hang out. Nastya fell in love with Aunt Carol and her "yellow hair" and of course did the same with Uncle Larry and his "no hair". They shared laughs, many underwater somersaults in the pool, and quite a few hugs over the weekend! Nastya walked away from her brief time with them this weekend really knowing how much she means to our family and how much Uncle Larry and Aunt Carol love her. Also, an extra special thank you to them for taking Nastya shopping and getting her her first bike. And the pizza afterwards was just icing on the cake!
That leads us into today. Father's Day. I woke up this morning for the first time on this special day as a PaPa. Today was special in every way. Right after breakfast, Nastya and LA gave me a handmade card from Nastya, a card from LA, and a gift that I will cherish forever. A canvas portrait of the three of us on our first day together back on April 1 on the grounds of the orphanage. Oh how far we have come in the last few months! We then watched Charlotte's Web together as a family, a movie that Nastya has been eyeing since she first saw the DVD cover on our end table a few days ago.
This afternoon, after less than 24 hours of having a new bike, I stand proud saying that Nastya learned how to ride a bike! Until yesterday, she had never been on one. With the help of Ms. Linda, Mama, and Papa, she can now ride around the circle in our neighborhood all by herself! To see her shear determination to ride that bike this weekend and to finally see all that effort pay off when she was off on her own, made my heart smile.
If you can believe it, the day got even better. We got to spend time with my Dad and went out for supper to celebrate our first Father's Day together. If I end up being half the Papa to Nastya that he has been a Dad to me I will consider myself pretty successful. Thanks Dad for all that you have done for me and know that Nastya loves her PopPop...mochi mochi...
And tonight, after shower time and during our nightly wind down time before bed, Nastya jumped in the bed between LA and I for the first time. With Daisy at the foot of the bed, we laid together as a family and watched the college baseball world series. It didn't matter what was on tv...it was what was lying in the bed beside me that mattered. And of course, it didn't hurt that she was enjoying watching the game with me!
AsI tucked her in bed tonight, I could help but feel that feelling in my heart. From hearing her version of the pediatrician's visit on Monday night and how proud of her I was that she was such a trooper having to get all those shots...to holding her hand while she got her ears pierced...to watching her never give up while she tried to ride her bike by herself...to having her lay on my shoulder and watch tv with me and LA tonight...my heart is smiling.
Over the years, male friends of mine that have had kids have always said that it is a feeling like no other to see your kids grow up and experience all that life brings their way. That you no longer get up in the morning and just to go through the motions, but you awaken with a renewed vigor every morning for the sole purpose of loving your kids.
This week brought these emotions to the forefront and for the first time, I got to experience this remarkable feeling every single day. In a way, ever since Nastya and LA showed up at RDU a little over two weeks ago, I have felt a new feeling that I had never experienced. But until this week, I really couldn't pinpoint what the feeling was.
In preparation for writing this update tonight, over the past couple days I have thought long and hard to find the right words to describe this feeling. The closest that I can get is that "my heart is smiling". Through and through, this week has been a true blessing in every sense of the word.
It has been a week of many firsts for me, our family, and Nastya. Going into the week, there was a hidden potential for a rough week. But as I sit here tonight, I can say that the Puskars, especially Nastya came through with flying colors.
Since my last post, it has been quite a busy week. Last Saturday we started off the weekend with my Mom's birthday celebration and then were honored to be invited to share in two other homecoming and birthday parties on Sunday for some dear friends of ours that have adopted kids from the same program that we did. When Nastya went to bed Sunday night, I can only imagine that she was thinking that her new family does a lot of partying!
Monday started off with Nastya's first appointment with the pediatrician. This is where the potential for disaster could have started. 7 shots and 4 vials of blood later, LA walked out of the appointment with Nastya and MiMi with smiles and some pretty cool looking band aids to show her battle wounds!
Wednesday was my second favorite day of the week this week. Last week, Nastya had expressed interest in wanting to get her ears pierced. So, knowing that this week was going to be doozy with her dr appointment and everything, we scheduled a fun outing for her. Thanks to MiMi and PopPop, Nastya picked out some new purple earrings bearing her birthstone and bravely got her ears pierced. And at Nastya's request, I stood by her side holding her hand as the very kind lady at Merle Norman did the piercing. I don't know who had more fun, me or Nastya, as this is one of the events at the top of the list that I have always wanted to share with a daughter.
Thursday brought another first for Nastya, as she visited the dentist with LA. Because dental hygiene and going to the dentist is such a foreign concept to Nastya, we made special arrangements with our dentist for LA to have her cleaning, with Nastya watching. We also arranged for a family friend to come and translate for Nastya and explain the whole process to her. Thanks to Dr. Foy and her great team, and our friend Katerina, Nastya left feeling comfortable about the process and we have scheduled her appointment for the upcoming weeks. Once again, another possible bump in the road avoided.
This weekend was a busy one as well. My Uncle Larry and Aunt Carol from Pennsylvania came to town to visit with us and to meet Nastya. Not trying to suck up or anything, but Uncle Larry and Aunt Carol are the side of the family you don't just feel obligated to see, but really relish the chance to spend time with and hang out. Nastya fell in love with Aunt Carol and her "yellow hair" and of course did the same with Uncle Larry and his "no hair". They shared laughs, many underwater somersaults in the pool, and quite a few hugs over the weekend! Nastya walked away from her brief time with them this weekend really knowing how much she means to our family and how much Uncle Larry and Aunt Carol love her. Also, an extra special thank you to them for taking Nastya shopping and getting her her first bike. And the pizza afterwards was just icing on the cake!
That leads us into today. Father's Day. I woke up this morning for the first time on this special day as a PaPa. Today was special in every way. Right after breakfast, Nastya and LA gave me a handmade card from Nastya, a card from LA, and a gift that I will cherish forever. A canvas portrait of the three of us on our first day together back on April 1 on the grounds of the orphanage. Oh how far we have come in the last few months! We then watched Charlotte's Web together as a family, a movie that Nastya has been eyeing since she first saw the DVD cover on our end table a few days ago.
This afternoon, after less than 24 hours of having a new bike, I stand proud saying that Nastya learned how to ride a bike! Until yesterday, she had never been on one. With the help of Ms. Linda, Mama, and Papa, she can now ride around the circle in our neighborhood all by herself! To see her shear determination to ride that bike this weekend and to finally see all that effort pay off when she was off on her own, made my heart smile.
If you can believe it, the day got even better. We got to spend time with my Dad and went out for supper to celebrate our first Father's Day together. If I end up being half the Papa to Nastya that he has been a Dad to me I will consider myself pretty successful. Thanks Dad for all that you have done for me and know that Nastya loves her PopPop...mochi mochi...
And tonight, after shower time and during our nightly wind down time before bed, Nastya jumped in the bed between LA and I for the first time. With Daisy at the foot of the bed, we laid together as a family and watched the college baseball world series. It didn't matter what was on tv...it was what was lying in the bed beside me that mattered. And of course, it didn't hurt that she was enjoying watching the game with me!
AsI tucked her in bed tonight, I could help but feel that feelling in my heart. From hearing her version of the pediatrician's visit on Monday night and how proud of her I was that she was such a trooper having to get all those shots...to holding her hand while she got her ears pierced...to watching her never give up while she tried to ride her bike by herself...to having her lay on my shoulder and watch tv with me and LA tonight...my heart is smiling.
Friday, June 10, 2011
What I Learned This Week
Can you believe it? As I sit here in my home office typing this update, it has officially been one full week since LA and Nastya have been home. Last Friday night, I laid my head down on the pillow a new man. My wife...my daughter...and my four-legged daughter...were all home, under one roof, sleeping soundly for the first time together. Now the first week is in our rear view mirror and we are preparing for our journey ahead.
It has been a week of many firsts for me and I have learned alot about myself, Nastya, and LA. I find myself sitting back and trying to imagine life without Nastya being in our family and I can't. It feels as if she has been with us forever. For the most part it has been a very good week. We have had a few minor hiccups, but nothing that was unexpected or that we weren't prepared for.
All in all, Nastya is settling in very well and is soaking in her new world like a sponge. Everything that she touches, sees, smells, hears, and feels is virtually new to her and everyday is new adventure. The best part of this past week is sitting back and watching her evolve, learn, and grow as she tackles the challenges of her new life with us.
I am amazed at the progress and ways that she has handled all of the newness of this past week and I am so proud of her. We have attempted to get settled into a daily routine and form a sense of structure within our new family. Nastya seems to thrive on structure, scheduling, and knowing what the "plan" is for the day, tomorrow, and the next day. She has settled into our daily routines very nicely and is handling everything we throw her way like a champ.
Our goal for the first couple of weeks has been to establish a sense of family for her and for us as new parents. To gain her trust and know that we love her and will never abandon her. This new life is not only new to Nastya, but to LA and myself. We have never been parents before either. So, this is all new to all of us. I think I am adjusting rather well and I definitely know I have learned some valuable life lessons and felt some absolutely cool things this week.
Here is what I learned this week...not to put too much milk on her cornflakes because it makes them too mushy...that I really need to brush up on my Wii skills as Nastya has kicked my hiney several times at various sports...there must be a minimum of 4 stuffed animals in her bed in very particular places in order for the stars to align at night (Bunny, Casey, her yet to be named purple unicorn pillow pet, and Little Foot seem to occupy prime realty at night)...holding my daughter's hand as we walk around Old Navy is pretty neato...there isn't much "me" time anymore except before 9am and after 9pm...mushrooms and garlic pizza seem to be a pretty safe go-to special treat dinner...Nastya is quite athletic and loves swimming, playing catch, and watching women's college softball and men's college baseball with her Papa...Scooby Doo can be your hero...Daisy needs a break from Nastya sometimes and retreats to her own floor of the house on occasion...tucking her in at night and having her run downstairs when I get home for the day are absolutely the best feelings in the world...and...having an 11 year old daughter is pretty darn cool!
I could go on and on and on and on. Get my drift? The feelings that I have had this past week run the spectrum of emotion, with only a few fleeting moments of not knowing what to do. I fully understand that at some point the honeymoon period is going to end and we are going to have to once again figure out how to make lemonade out of lemons. But for right now, I am just going to sit back and enjoy my new life as a new Papa.
Without coming across as too hokey, I must give a few shout outs to some very important people before I sign off for the night. The feelings, experiences, and my life as I now know it wouldn't be possible without some very special people in our lives.
Aunt Allyson...MiMi and Poppop...Granddaddy and Grandmama...Elena and Mark...the Cline Family...Liliya and Luda...LA's bible study friends...Angie and Jim...Mr. Jim Farrell...and everyone that came out to the airport to support us last Friday night.
(I just felt a little like the teacher in Romper Room for a minute there...)
We couldn't have done this without your love, support, understanding, and prayers. Nastya, LA, and myself are so blessed to be in the position we are in right now. I can promise you that I will never take any of it or any of you for granted.
It has been extremely clear to me over this past week, if it hadn't already been as plain as day before...that this was not "OUR" plan through and through. But it was God's plan for us and we are blessed to be new parents and have Nastya in our lives. I now understand why LA and I had to experience the heartbreak and challenges over the years...so that we can appreciate what we have now. Funny how it all works out huh?
In closing, a special little something for my daughter...my PPP... my Puskar Pinky Princess...Once you learn to read English and later on in life when you are sitting down and reading your Papa's blog, please know one thing...Papa loves you and always will. You are my everything. Mama and Papa love you so much and will always be here for you!
It has been a week of many firsts for me and I have learned alot about myself, Nastya, and LA. I find myself sitting back and trying to imagine life without Nastya being in our family and I can't. It feels as if she has been with us forever. For the most part it has been a very good week. We have had a few minor hiccups, but nothing that was unexpected or that we weren't prepared for.
All in all, Nastya is settling in very well and is soaking in her new world like a sponge. Everything that she touches, sees, smells, hears, and feels is virtually new to her and everyday is new adventure. The best part of this past week is sitting back and watching her evolve, learn, and grow as she tackles the challenges of her new life with us.
I am amazed at the progress and ways that she has handled all of the newness of this past week and I am so proud of her. We have attempted to get settled into a daily routine and form a sense of structure within our new family. Nastya seems to thrive on structure, scheduling, and knowing what the "plan" is for the day, tomorrow, and the next day. She has settled into our daily routines very nicely and is handling everything we throw her way like a champ.
Our goal for the first couple of weeks has been to establish a sense of family for her and for us as new parents. To gain her trust and know that we love her and will never abandon her. This new life is not only new to Nastya, but to LA and myself. We have never been parents before either. So, this is all new to all of us. I think I am adjusting rather well and I definitely know I have learned some valuable life lessons and felt some absolutely cool things this week.
Here is what I learned this week...not to put too much milk on her cornflakes because it makes them too mushy...that I really need to brush up on my Wii skills as Nastya has kicked my hiney several times at various sports...there must be a minimum of 4 stuffed animals in her bed in very particular places in order for the stars to align at night (Bunny, Casey, her yet to be named purple unicorn pillow pet, and Little Foot seem to occupy prime realty at night)...holding my daughter's hand as we walk around Old Navy is pretty neato...there isn't much "me" time anymore except before 9am and after 9pm...mushrooms and garlic pizza seem to be a pretty safe go-to special treat dinner...Nastya is quite athletic and loves swimming, playing catch, and watching women's college softball and men's college baseball with her Papa...Scooby Doo can be your hero...Daisy needs a break from Nastya sometimes and retreats to her own floor of the house on occasion...tucking her in at night and having her run downstairs when I get home for the day are absolutely the best feelings in the world...and...having an 11 year old daughter is pretty darn cool!
I could go on and on and on and on. Get my drift? The feelings that I have had this past week run the spectrum of emotion, with only a few fleeting moments of not knowing what to do. I fully understand that at some point the honeymoon period is going to end and we are going to have to once again figure out how to make lemonade out of lemons. But for right now, I am just going to sit back and enjoy my new life as a new Papa.
Without coming across as too hokey, I must give a few shout outs to some very important people before I sign off for the night. The feelings, experiences, and my life as I now know it wouldn't be possible without some very special people in our lives.
Aunt Allyson...MiMi and Poppop...Granddaddy and Grandmama...Elena and Mark...the Cline Family...Liliya and Luda...LA's bible study friends...Angie and Jim...Mr. Jim Farrell...and everyone that came out to the airport to support us last Friday night.
(I just felt a little like the teacher in Romper Room for a minute there...)
We couldn't have done this without your love, support, understanding, and prayers. Nastya, LA, and myself are so blessed to be in the position we are in right now. I can promise you that I will never take any of it or any of you for granted.
It has been extremely clear to me over this past week, if it hadn't already been as plain as day before...that this was not "OUR" plan through and through. But it was God's plan for us and we are blessed to be new parents and have Nastya in our lives. I now understand why LA and I had to experience the heartbreak and challenges over the years...so that we can appreciate what we have now. Funny how it all works out huh?
In closing, a special little something for my daughter...my PPP... my Puskar Pinky Princess...Once you learn to read English and later on in life when you are sitting down and reading your Papa's blog, please know one thing...Papa loves you and always will. You are my everything. Mama and Papa love you so much and will always be here for you!
Monday, June 6, 2011
Daisy My Daisy
How do I put into words what I am feeling right now? In short, it has been an absolutely wonderful couple of days and being a Papa is pretty darn cool. I know that things aren't always going to be roses and rainbows, but for right now, I am enjoying every minute.
Nastya has been such a trooper this weekend. She is taking everything and everyone in, nothing too big or too small that she doesn't notice or absorb. It is so neat to watch her and see her reactions to her new world. At times, you can see that she is a bit overwhelmed by it all, but for the most part, she is adjusting rather well.
Friday night was a grand event. We were so blessed to have so many of our friends and family at the airport to greet LA, Nastya, and Granddaddy on their homecoming. If those walls of Terminal 2 at RDU could talk, they would definitely speak of the love that was in that place that night.
Daisy, our four legged daughter, has been a highlight for Nastya and has helped ease the process. Nastya walks around the house saying "Daisy My Daisy" and smiling from cheek to cheek. She has mastered taking Daisy for a walk and Daisy loves the attention! Not sure who is going to get tuckered out quicker? Daisy or Nastya? I do believe Nastya is going to win that one!
Being a Papa is the single greatest feeling in the world. Its official. Its in the paperwork. She is in our home. She is now my daughter. Tucking her in at night and getting my goodnight kiss on the cheek just makes me melt. Getting my morning hug as she comes down the stairs and I greet her at the landing with a huge hug is right up there too. Seeing her master new things, no matter how simple they may be is so rewarding. Its only been a few days and I could go on and on!
Son. Brother. Husband. Now Papa. Pretty darn cool. And if I may borrow a quote from my daughter...not "Daisy My Daisy"...but "Nastya My Nastya"! God is good. Life is good.
Nastya has been such a trooper this weekend. She is taking everything and everyone in, nothing too big or too small that she doesn't notice or absorb. It is so neat to watch her and see her reactions to her new world. At times, you can see that she is a bit overwhelmed by it all, but for the most part, she is adjusting rather well.
Friday night was a grand event. We were so blessed to have so many of our friends and family at the airport to greet LA, Nastya, and Granddaddy on their homecoming. If those walls of Terminal 2 at RDU could talk, they would definitely speak of the love that was in that place that night.
Daisy, our four legged daughter, has been a highlight for Nastya and has helped ease the process. Nastya walks around the house saying "Daisy My Daisy" and smiling from cheek to cheek. She has mastered taking Daisy for a walk and Daisy loves the attention! Not sure who is going to get tuckered out quicker? Daisy or Nastya? I do believe Nastya is going to win that one!
Being a Papa is the single greatest feeling in the world. Its official. Its in the paperwork. She is in our home. She is now my daughter. Tucking her in at night and getting my goodnight kiss on the cheek just makes me melt. Getting my morning hug as she comes down the stairs and I greet her at the landing with a huge hug is right up there too. Seeing her master new things, no matter how simple they may be is so rewarding. Its only been a few days and I could go on and on!
Son. Brother. Husband. Now Papa. Pretty darn cool. And if I may borrow a quote from my daughter...not "Daisy My Daisy"...but "Nastya My Nastya"! God is good. Life is good.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
The Day Has Come
Did I ever think this day would happen?
Have I had dreams about it? Is it really happening? Truly happening?
The resounding answer is yes!
I just got off Skype with LA and Nastya and confirmed that they have completed the in country processes and are going to be homebound tomorrow. With nearly 21 hours of travel time, 3 airplane flights and two 4 hour layovers ahead of them, they are scheduled to return to Raleigh Friday night. What a joyous homecoming event and a moment I have been waiting for!
We started this part of our journey last August. As our pastor at the time so eleguently put it, we started a journey to climb that mountain and do what it took to make this day happen. It is with everyone's love, support, and prayer that this is possible.
As I prepare for their arrival tomorrow, I also prepare for the start of the rest of our lives together a family.
Will there be challenges? Yes.
Will there be obstacles to overcome? Yes.
Will there be good day and bad days? Yes.
Will there be two steps forward and one step back? Yes.
But no matter what challenges God puts before us, I know that we are surrounded with the best family, friends, and resources to overcome any obstacle. We have climbed this part of the mountain, with LA and Nastya travelling home tomorrow.
The bottom line is that we are soon going to be one family. United in one home. One forever home. As we close one chapter of this journey to Bring Nastya Home, we will start a new one. Tonight is the last night I will lay my head on the pillow at home without all my girls being with me. Pretty cool huh?
Have I had dreams about it? Is it really happening? Truly happening?
The resounding answer is yes!
I just got off Skype with LA and Nastya and confirmed that they have completed the in country processes and are going to be homebound tomorrow. With nearly 21 hours of travel time, 3 airplane flights and two 4 hour layovers ahead of them, they are scheduled to return to Raleigh Friday night. What a joyous homecoming event and a moment I have been waiting for!
We started this part of our journey last August. As our pastor at the time so eleguently put it, we started a journey to climb that mountain and do what it took to make this day happen. It is with everyone's love, support, and prayer that this is possible.
As I prepare for their arrival tomorrow, I also prepare for the start of the rest of our lives together a family.
Will there be challenges? Yes.
Will there be obstacles to overcome? Yes.
Will there be good day and bad days? Yes.
Will there be two steps forward and one step back? Yes.
But no matter what challenges God puts before us, I know that we are surrounded with the best family, friends, and resources to overcome any obstacle. We have climbed this part of the mountain, with LA and Nastya travelling home tomorrow.
The bottom line is that we are soon going to be one family. United in one home. One forever home. As we close one chapter of this journey to Bring Nastya Home, we will start a new one. Tonight is the last night I will lay my head on the pillow at home without all my girls being with me. Pretty cool huh?
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Settling In
Good evening to all. And a Happy Memorial Day weekend at that. Thought I would post a little something something tonight, as I find myself not able to sit still and just relax. It seems as the closer we get to the big day and the longer I am separated from my girls, I get a little more ancy every day.
I have spoken to Nastya and LA on Skype the last couple of days. Don't know what I would do without it! To steal an old saying from Regis on Who Wants to be a Millionaire, it has been our lifeline. The internet connection on that side of the pond is not as fast and reliable as we have in the US, so we don't get to enjoy video chat too much, but we are making do with voice chat.
Nastya seems to be adjusting rather nicely. Or at least that is what it appears to look like from 7000 miles away. Its only been about 48 hours since our "GOTCHA" day and from the outside looking in, this appears to be such. She seems to enjoy spending time with her Granddaddy and Mama, but I think the Ipad has won out! I guess that means when they get back I get to save up for a new Ipad 2, huh?
It doesn't seem enough to just say I MISS them. I keep racking my brain for a word that means more than MISS, but cannot find one. It has now been 14 1/2 days since I have seen LA and 13 1/2 days since I last gave Nastya a hug. But the Lord willing, it should be less than a week and they will be home.
I have been trying to keep myself active and not sit still, as when I do, my mind wanders and my heart starts to ache. I can only imagine that it feels like a cat trying to scat across a hot tin roof. However, it has been a little relaxing as I have been able to catch up with some friends and spend some time with family the last couple of weeks. It is great to be around those you love and appreciate. The true meaning of time well spent seems to be the most important time. Its not about what you do, but who you do it with.
I am feeling like I am started to ramble a little bit and the thoughts are scattering. So, with that, I bid you good night. Please continue to pray for LA, Nastya, and Granddaddy while they are over there and stay tuned for their return info. As soon as plans are finalized, I will be sure to let everyone know. I know they would love to see you at RDU when they return. But I must set one rule...I get the first set of hugs and lovin'!
I have spoken to Nastya and LA on Skype the last couple of days. Don't know what I would do without it! To steal an old saying from Regis on Who Wants to be a Millionaire, it has been our lifeline. The internet connection on that side of the pond is not as fast and reliable as we have in the US, so we don't get to enjoy video chat too much, but we are making do with voice chat.
Nastya seems to be adjusting rather nicely. Or at least that is what it appears to look like from 7000 miles away. Its only been about 48 hours since our "GOTCHA" day and from the outside looking in, this appears to be such. She seems to enjoy spending time with her Granddaddy and Mama, but I think the Ipad has won out! I guess that means when they get back I get to save up for a new Ipad 2, huh?
It doesn't seem enough to just say I MISS them. I keep racking my brain for a word that means more than MISS, but cannot find one. It has now been 14 1/2 days since I have seen LA and 13 1/2 days since I last gave Nastya a hug. But the Lord willing, it should be less than a week and they will be home.
I have been trying to keep myself active and not sit still, as when I do, my mind wanders and my heart starts to ache. I can only imagine that it feels like a cat trying to scat across a hot tin roof. However, it has been a little relaxing as I have been able to catch up with some friends and spend some time with family the last couple of weeks. It is great to be around those you love and appreciate. The true meaning of time well spent seems to be the most important time. Its not about what you do, but who you do it with.
I am feeling like I am started to ramble a little bit and the thoughts are scattering. So, with that, I bid you good night. Please continue to pray for LA, Nastya, and Granddaddy while they are over there and stay tuned for their return info. As soon as plans are finalized, I will be sure to let everyone know. I know they would love to see you at RDU when they return. But I must set one rule...I get the first set of hugs and lovin'!
Friday, May 27, 2011
Milestones
On my drive home last night, I had a lot of time on my hands to do some thinking. Last night, for me, was kind of an epiphany in some ways. I have always known that Nastya is going to be coming to live with us forever and be part of our family, but the undeniable reality set in last night that I am a Daddy.
By no means is this a bad thing. I have been looking forward to them coming home for what seems like forever. As we get closer and closer, I just cannot believe it is almost here. Will someone pinch me?
March 29
April 1
May 11
May 23
May 27
These are all major milestones in our journey that I will never forget. Last night was the last night that Nastya will have to sleep alone in an orphanage. Today, LA will complete the necessary steps to "check her out" of the orphanage once and for all. I know how excited, nervous, and scared I am about them coming home; but, I can only imagine what went through Nastya's head last night as she went to sleep.
So as you go about your day today, as I will be doing as I go about my day, please keep Nastya and LA in your thoughts and prayers as they start a new chapter in all of our lives today. LA and Nastya are finally together today forever. And soon...very soon...we will all be together as one big forever family.
By no means is this a bad thing. I have been looking forward to them coming home for what seems like forever. As we get closer and closer, I just cannot believe it is almost here. Will someone pinch me?
March 29
April 1
May 11
May 23
May 27
These are all major milestones in our journey that I will never forget. Last night was the last night that Nastya will have to sleep alone in an orphanage. Today, LA will complete the necessary steps to "check her out" of the orphanage once and for all. I know how excited, nervous, and scared I am about them coming home; but, I can only imagine what went through Nastya's head last night as she went to sleep.
So as you go about your day today, as I will be doing as I go about my day, please keep Nastya and LA in your thoughts and prayers as they start a new chapter in all of our lives today. LA and Nastya are finally together today forever. And soon...very soon...we will all be together as one big forever family.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Triple Crown
In homage of yesterday's failed attempt by Animal Kingdom to win the second leg of the Triple Crown in the world of horse racing, I find title to today's thoughts. Not an experienced equestrian by any stretch of the imagination, but over the years I have found myself rather intrigued by the sport. A rather majestic and masculine sporting event where the participants do what they love, all for a bucket full of oats and honey at days end.
Today starts the third leg of our journey to Bring Nastya Home. LA departed England early this morning, 1am EST, east bound for Munich. There she will meet up with her Dad to share the next couple of weeks experience with. John started his first leg yesterday morning, leaving for Munich, via RDU and Dulles. The goal of this third and final leg is for them to complete the paperwork necessary to Bring Nastya Home to Raleigh.
My goal during this blog has been to share our experience and journey with those that have made it possible. But just as importantly, it has been to document my emotional journey along the way. A tool to look back upon to remember the experience and truly capture every moment. As I began to type this entry a couple of minutes ago, I realized that this posting may be the most in depth and "private" divulgence to date. I accept that and understand that I am only human and feel a sort of therapy in putting these thoughts on paper.
So here it goes.
I must say that I am a little jealous of LA in some ways. First I must explain that I fully understand that I am not supposed to be jealous. One of the seven deadly sins is envy/jealousy, but I have not been able to suppress this feeling, especially as this day has approached. All I can do is work through it and make my heart right and know that what we are doing is right and that the emotions that are ebbing and flowing right now are probably pretty normal for our set of circumstances.
When we first broke from the gate back in August 2010, it was very clear that I had made an undeniable connection with Nastya. All of the people that had surrounded her during her experience in the area witnessed something miraculous in our spark and saw a side of her with me that was not evident prior. There was an immediate bond from our very first interaction.
Shortly after meeting Nastya and making the decision to proceed with the process to adopt her, I learned from LA that she was a bit concerned with the strength of this connection. Concerned may not be the right word here. LA was worried that she wouldn't have that same connection with her, as her initial experience was not as strong. Let me make it abundantly clear though. At no time did LA ever doubt what we were doing, but she was worried that as a soon to be new Mommy, would that same bond exist betweeen the two of them? In almost story book and poetic fashion, a little jealousy was there in the opposite direction.
Over the last several months, LA and I have had many conversations about this subject; and I don't think she would mind me sharing this story with you. My anticipation of expected jealousy of her during this phase of the journey and her feelings during the initial phase of the journey are very similar. Just another element that has made us even closer and opened our relationship to an even greater level of emotional intimacy.
Just exactly what am I jealous of? Its not a single item or set of items, but an overall conglomeration of the experience that LA is going to share with Nastya over the next couple weeks. Sometime this week, LA will take custody of Nastya and "sign her out" of the orphanage. They will then spend every moment together and start the next chapter in Nastya's life as our daughter. I wish I could be there for that.
I understand that I cannot be there. My work commitments and our finances do not allow that to happen. I accept those facts and know that at this point in time it cannot be changed. Truly and honestly I accept it and have moved on. I have chosen to turn my jealously into a positive and prepare for their return in a little while.
LA and I departed on our second trip on Derby Day, May 7, 2011. Within minutes of post time that day, just as the horses left the gates in the run for the roses, LA and I took off overseas to go get our rose, Nastya. During that trip, we won that leg of the race with a positive courtoom result.
LA departed this weekend...Preakness weekend...to go get Nastya and bring her home.
If all goes smoothly, they should be home in or around 20 days, which is the day of the running of the third leg of the Triple Crown, the Belmont Stakes.
Just as the owners, trainers, and jockeys prepare their horses for each of these three races; I sit back and prepare for LA to bring home our Triple Crown winner, Nastya. A crown, seemingly fitting if you ask me. LA went to England for a brief stay during our waiting period...an area of the world represented by a royal family and a crown. Nastya is my little princess, and deservedly so, wears a symbolic crown in my heart. So as our family breaks out of the gates in this third and final leg of our journey to Bring Nastya Home, I sit back with anticipation...with stop watch in hand...checking the progress as they make their way around the track...waiting for them to come down the back stretch and across the finish line...into our home...and winning the biggest jackpot in the world...having my wife and daughter home with me once and for all!
Today starts the third leg of our journey to Bring Nastya Home. LA departed England early this morning, 1am EST, east bound for Munich. There she will meet up with her Dad to share the next couple of weeks experience with. John started his first leg yesterday morning, leaving for Munich, via RDU and Dulles. The goal of this third and final leg is for them to complete the paperwork necessary to Bring Nastya Home to Raleigh.
My goal during this blog has been to share our experience and journey with those that have made it possible. But just as importantly, it has been to document my emotional journey along the way. A tool to look back upon to remember the experience and truly capture every moment. As I began to type this entry a couple of minutes ago, I realized that this posting may be the most in depth and "private" divulgence to date. I accept that and understand that I am only human and feel a sort of therapy in putting these thoughts on paper.
So here it goes.
I must say that I am a little jealous of LA in some ways. First I must explain that I fully understand that I am not supposed to be jealous. One of the seven deadly sins is envy/jealousy, but I have not been able to suppress this feeling, especially as this day has approached. All I can do is work through it and make my heart right and know that what we are doing is right and that the emotions that are ebbing and flowing right now are probably pretty normal for our set of circumstances.
When we first broke from the gate back in August 2010, it was very clear that I had made an undeniable connection with Nastya. All of the people that had surrounded her during her experience in the area witnessed something miraculous in our spark and saw a side of her with me that was not evident prior. There was an immediate bond from our very first interaction.
Shortly after meeting Nastya and making the decision to proceed with the process to adopt her, I learned from LA that she was a bit concerned with the strength of this connection. Concerned may not be the right word here. LA was worried that she wouldn't have that same connection with her, as her initial experience was not as strong. Let me make it abundantly clear though. At no time did LA ever doubt what we were doing, but she was worried that as a soon to be new Mommy, would that same bond exist betweeen the two of them? In almost story book and poetic fashion, a little jealousy was there in the opposite direction.
Over the last several months, LA and I have had many conversations about this subject; and I don't think she would mind me sharing this story with you. My anticipation of expected jealousy of her during this phase of the journey and her feelings during the initial phase of the journey are very similar. Just another element that has made us even closer and opened our relationship to an even greater level of emotional intimacy.
Just exactly what am I jealous of? Its not a single item or set of items, but an overall conglomeration of the experience that LA is going to share with Nastya over the next couple weeks. Sometime this week, LA will take custody of Nastya and "sign her out" of the orphanage. They will then spend every moment together and start the next chapter in Nastya's life as our daughter. I wish I could be there for that.
I understand that I cannot be there. My work commitments and our finances do not allow that to happen. I accept those facts and know that at this point in time it cannot be changed. Truly and honestly I accept it and have moved on. I have chosen to turn my jealously into a positive and prepare for their return in a little while.
LA and I departed on our second trip on Derby Day, May 7, 2011. Within minutes of post time that day, just as the horses left the gates in the run for the roses, LA and I took off overseas to go get our rose, Nastya. During that trip, we won that leg of the race with a positive courtoom result.
LA departed this weekend...Preakness weekend...to go get Nastya and bring her home.
If all goes smoothly, they should be home in or around 20 days, which is the day of the running of the third leg of the Triple Crown, the Belmont Stakes.
Just as the owners, trainers, and jockeys prepare their horses for each of these three races; I sit back and prepare for LA to bring home our Triple Crown winner, Nastya. A crown, seemingly fitting if you ask me. LA went to England for a brief stay during our waiting period...an area of the world represented by a royal family and a crown. Nastya is my little princess, and deservedly so, wears a symbolic crown in my heart. So as our family breaks out of the gates in this third and final leg of our journey to Bring Nastya Home, I sit back with anticipation...with stop watch in hand...checking the progress as they make their way around the track...waiting for them to come down the back stretch and across the finish line...into our home...and winning the biggest jackpot in the world...having my wife and daughter home with me once and for all!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Missing My Girls
Its been almost 2 months that I have been without my Daisy. Its been 6 days since I have been without my Nastya. And its been 5 days that I have been without my LA. I sure am missing my 3 girls. Yep, I said it...3 girls. Not 1 girl. Not 2 girls. But 3 girls. I can now say that....3.....3.....3.....3.....
I will soon be reunited with my four legged girl, Daisy. She has been on vacation in Virginia with some absolutely wonderful friends. Jen, Dave, and Tye have been her home away from home since mid March and they have treated her like their own. They have loved on her and taught her new tricks and I am sure spoiled her a little. Hopefully she learned a little about being around kids while being with Tye, because Nastya will be home soon. I cannot wait to see her next week! Nothing beats coming home to the tailwagging and unconditional love she gives.
Unfortuneately, it is going to be a little bit longer than next week before I get reunited with my other 2 girls. Nastya and LA are currently scheduled to come home in mid June. If things go as planned, it may be a little earlier than currently scheduled. But one thing I have come to learn during this process is that you don't plan more than the day ahead of you. So, for right now, mentally I have to accept the fact that it will be sometime in June.
Skype has been my saving grace the last 5 days and has allowed LA and I to talk every day. I am like a little kid on Christmas Eve waiting for Santa to come as I wait for my chance to talk to LA every day. With the time difference, it takes some planning; but, it is the highlight of my day! It is so gratifying to see her having such a good time in England. Granted this is no vacation for her while waiting out our mandatory waiting period, but it is great to see her enjoying herself and experiencing a life long dream to visit this part of the world.
I am so grateful for Lizzie and her family. Just like the Grants have done with Daisy, they have taken LA in this week and made her a part of their family. As a husband that wants safety, security, and happiness for my wife, I will be forever grateful for them and what they are doing for us. They are good people doing good things out of the goodness of their hearts. Just as I have said many times along the way, "thanks" will never be enough. LA has found a home away from home on the other side of the pond.
And my dear Nastya. MY NASTYA. That has a nice ring to it! What do I say about how much I miss my daughter? MY DAUGHTER. That has an even nicer ring to it! Here's a little story that sheds a little light on how much I am thinking about her and missing her already.
Wednesday morning before leaving for work, I was in her room folding some clothes and I couldn't help but stop for a second and think about the whole timeline. When we bought our house, we always knew that this room would be the nursery or the "kids" room. We didn't know if it would be a girl or a boy. We didn't know when it would happen. And we certainly didn't know it would take so long to fill. Over the years, LA and I have used this room as an extra TV room, a sitting room, a makeshift laundry room, and up until now a kids room in waiting. But now, it is officially her room.
As I have shared with you in previous posts, I have stood many a day in the doorway and couldn't bring myself to look in or walk in. But Wednesday morning I stood in the middle of the room, looking around at her bed...her desk...her dresser...her closet...her everything. The only thing missing was her.
Missing my girls.
One comes home next week. Almost one year to the day that we rescued her.
The other two come home in a couple weeks.
I pray for their safe travels.
A smooth paperwork process.
And that they know if their hearts how much their Daddy and husband misses them and loves them.
I will soon be reunited with my four legged girl, Daisy. She has been on vacation in Virginia with some absolutely wonderful friends. Jen, Dave, and Tye have been her home away from home since mid March and they have treated her like their own. They have loved on her and taught her new tricks and I am sure spoiled her a little. Hopefully she learned a little about being around kids while being with Tye, because Nastya will be home soon. I cannot wait to see her next week! Nothing beats coming home to the tailwagging and unconditional love she gives.
Unfortuneately, it is going to be a little bit longer than next week before I get reunited with my other 2 girls. Nastya and LA are currently scheduled to come home in mid June. If things go as planned, it may be a little earlier than currently scheduled. But one thing I have come to learn during this process is that you don't plan more than the day ahead of you. So, for right now, mentally I have to accept the fact that it will be sometime in June.
Skype has been my saving grace the last 5 days and has allowed LA and I to talk every day. I am like a little kid on Christmas Eve waiting for Santa to come as I wait for my chance to talk to LA every day. With the time difference, it takes some planning; but, it is the highlight of my day! It is so gratifying to see her having such a good time in England. Granted this is no vacation for her while waiting out our mandatory waiting period, but it is great to see her enjoying herself and experiencing a life long dream to visit this part of the world.
I am so grateful for Lizzie and her family. Just like the Grants have done with Daisy, they have taken LA in this week and made her a part of their family. As a husband that wants safety, security, and happiness for my wife, I will be forever grateful for them and what they are doing for us. They are good people doing good things out of the goodness of their hearts. Just as I have said many times along the way, "thanks" will never be enough. LA has found a home away from home on the other side of the pond.
And my dear Nastya. MY NASTYA. That has a nice ring to it! What do I say about how much I miss my daughter? MY DAUGHTER. That has an even nicer ring to it! Here's a little story that sheds a little light on how much I am thinking about her and missing her already.
Wednesday morning before leaving for work, I was in her room folding some clothes and I couldn't help but stop for a second and think about the whole timeline. When we bought our house, we always knew that this room would be the nursery or the "kids" room. We didn't know if it would be a girl or a boy. We didn't know when it would happen. And we certainly didn't know it would take so long to fill. Over the years, LA and I have used this room as an extra TV room, a sitting room, a makeshift laundry room, and up until now a kids room in waiting. But now, it is officially her room.
As I have shared with you in previous posts, I have stood many a day in the doorway and couldn't bring myself to look in or walk in. But Wednesday morning I stood in the middle of the room, looking around at her bed...her desk...her dresser...her closet...her everything. The only thing missing was her.
Missing my girls.
One comes home next week. Almost one year to the day that we rescued her.
The other two come home in a couple weeks.
I pray for their safe travels.
A smooth paperwork process.
And that they know if their hearts how much their Daddy and husband misses them and loves them.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Oompa and A Zoom Zoom Zoom
Today by far was the most relaxed, adventurous, and "normal" day so far. With all of the official business out of the way for this trip and no travel planned for today, we were able to enjoy all that Simferopol had to offer.
It is amazing how relieved it felt waking up this morning knowing that part of the process was behind us. I really never realized it, but your mind and body go into a different mode of operation when you are going through the day to day logistics and navigating this complicated trail towards adoption. But this morning when I woke up, not only was I a new Daddy, I was somewhat taken aback by my comfort level today.
Our agenda was not empty though, as we had made plans to visit with Nastya and to meet up with some friends of ours that live in the area.
We first set out to visit with the young lady that has helped us communicate with Nastya and has been our link to her since the start. She is the most vital lifeline we had with Nastya as she ministered to all the kids at the orphanage on a weekly basis. Sharing stories with them, loving on them, and being the all important liason to communications back and forth. It was a joy and pleasure to meet her and be invited into her family's home this afternoon. We are forever grateful for what she has done for us and with Nastya.
After that visit, we headed out to meet the pastor of a local church that had been recommended to us by another family that had travelled to this part of the country. Once again, we experienced the warm hospitality that Ukrainian people offer as we sat and talked with him about the church that has opened here, the struggles that they encounter to stay up and running, and making arrangements for LA and Nastya to return for Sunday services when they come back on the next trip. It is comforting as a husband and new Daddy that my girls will have a church home for the small time they are back over here. A place to be welcomed and be comfortable in their surroundings.
In between those two visits, we got to spend some time with Nastya. For the first time on this adventure, we were invited to see her room. One she currently shares with 11 other girls. It is an incredible honor to be invited to see their rooms, as their rooms are their private sanctuary and the place that the girls feel most safe. They keep the only possessions they own either under their pillows or under their bed and you could feel the "sacredness" of how well they protect and take care of their beds, room, and the other girls they share it with.
Each of the beds were very neatly made, with all the bed linens neatly tucked in and each individual pillow situated in a pyramid at the head of their beds. There was a definite nip in the air inside their room and no heat was on. This single element reminded me all to seriously at how little these kids have and how precious their space is to them.
We met 5 or 6 of the girls that Nastya shares a room with and each was very shy and reserved. Each of them tiny and layered in clothing, with Nastya being the tallest of them all. All of them are as sweet as sweet can be and I wish I could bundle them all up and bring each and every one of them home with me.
I guess you are wondering where the title of this blog comes from? Well, simply stated, its the rather funny, sarcastic, and sometimes side busting with laughter experience of riding with and attempting to communicate with our current driver. He is one funny character. He doesn't speak a lick of English...understand a lick of English...or understand the fact that we don't understand a word he is saying. He is a rather aggressive driver by Ukrainian standards as well. And that is not a good thing if you see what the norm is over here. LA and I just have to sit back, hold on for dear life, and enjoy the extravagent gestures, demonstritive cherades, and overall character of this man. It has become a rather fun part of LA and my adventure to try and "translate" his words and actions. So far, LA has figured out that when someone cuts him off or is going to slow, he waves his arms at them, shouts at them in Russian and it sounds something like "OOMPA" and "ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM". So when we don't know what to say to him and to just have a little laugh back and forth between the 3 of us, we just wave our hands and say "Zoom Zoom Zoom". Maybe we can get a little kick back from the company that has the car commercial back in the US with that slogan...Zoom Zoom Zoom.
In closing, this will probably be my last blog before I get back to the US. Friday morning we will be picked up and taken to see Nastya for a little while, then be ZOOM ZOOM ZOOMed to the airport to start our journey home. LA and I will be together until sometime mid morning on Saturday and then we will go our separate ways. Me back to Raleigh and LA on to England to stay with friends for a brief waiting period. I am scheduled to return to RDU around 8:30pm on Saturday night, after travels thru Kiev, Munich, and Charlotte.
I am trying to hold back the thoughts of us being apart for nearly a month. She has been my companion for this journey and we have been together 24/7 for most of the last 2 months. LA is sitting ride here by my side, but I miss her already.
So, until next time, when I will more than likely be back in the safe confines of my humble abode.
It is amazing how relieved it felt waking up this morning knowing that part of the process was behind us. I really never realized it, but your mind and body go into a different mode of operation when you are going through the day to day logistics and navigating this complicated trail towards adoption. But this morning when I woke up, not only was I a new Daddy, I was somewhat taken aback by my comfort level today.
Our agenda was not empty though, as we had made plans to visit with Nastya and to meet up with some friends of ours that live in the area.
We first set out to visit with the young lady that has helped us communicate with Nastya and has been our link to her since the start. She is the most vital lifeline we had with Nastya as she ministered to all the kids at the orphanage on a weekly basis. Sharing stories with them, loving on them, and being the all important liason to communications back and forth. It was a joy and pleasure to meet her and be invited into her family's home this afternoon. We are forever grateful for what she has done for us and with Nastya.
After that visit, we headed out to meet the pastor of a local church that had been recommended to us by another family that had travelled to this part of the country. Once again, we experienced the warm hospitality that Ukrainian people offer as we sat and talked with him about the church that has opened here, the struggles that they encounter to stay up and running, and making arrangements for LA and Nastya to return for Sunday services when they come back on the next trip. It is comforting as a husband and new Daddy that my girls will have a church home for the small time they are back over here. A place to be welcomed and be comfortable in their surroundings.
In between those two visits, we got to spend some time with Nastya. For the first time on this adventure, we were invited to see her room. One she currently shares with 11 other girls. It is an incredible honor to be invited to see their rooms, as their rooms are their private sanctuary and the place that the girls feel most safe. They keep the only possessions they own either under their pillows or under their bed and you could feel the "sacredness" of how well they protect and take care of their beds, room, and the other girls they share it with.
Each of the beds were very neatly made, with all the bed linens neatly tucked in and each individual pillow situated in a pyramid at the head of their beds. There was a definite nip in the air inside their room and no heat was on. This single element reminded me all to seriously at how little these kids have and how precious their space is to them.
We met 5 or 6 of the girls that Nastya shares a room with and each was very shy and reserved. Each of them tiny and layered in clothing, with Nastya being the tallest of them all. All of them are as sweet as sweet can be and I wish I could bundle them all up and bring each and every one of them home with me.
I guess you are wondering where the title of this blog comes from? Well, simply stated, its the rather funny, sarcastic, and sometimes side busting with laughter experience of riding with and attempting to communicate with our current driver. He is one funny character. He doesn't speak a lick of English...understand a lick of English...or understand the fact that we don't understand a word he is saying. He is a rather aggressive driver by Ukrainian standards as well. And that is not a good thing if you see what the norm is over here. LA and I just have to sit back, hold on for dear life, and enjoy the extravagent gestures, demonstritive cherades, and overall character of this man. It has become a rather fun part of LA and my adventure to try and "translate" his words and actions. So far, LA has figured out that when someone cuts him off or is going to slow, he waves his arms at them, shouts at them in Russian and it sounds something like "OOMPA" and "ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM". So when we don't know what to say to him and to just have a little laugh back and forth between the 3 of us, we just wave our hands and say "Zoom Zoom Zoom". Maybe we can get a little kick back from the company that has the car commercial back in the US with that slogan...Zoom Zoom Zoom.
In closing, this will probably be my last blog before I get back to the US. Friday morning we will be picked up and taken to see Nastya for a little while, then be ZOOM ZOOM ZOOMed to the airport to start our journey home. LA and I will be together until sometime mid morning on Saturday and then we will go our separate ways. Me back to Raleigh and LA on to England to stay with friends for a brief waiting period. I am scheduled to return to RDU around 8:30pm on Saturday night, after travels thru Kiev, Munich, and Charlotte.
I am trying to hold back the thoughts of us being apart for nearly a month. She has been my companion for this journey and we have been together 24/7 for most of the last 2 months. LA is sitting ride here by my side, but I miss her already.
So, until next time, when I will more than likely be back in the safe confines of my humble abode.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Now A Family of 3
As of 12:29 PM Eastern Europe Standard Time (EEST), I am officially a new Daddy. As most of you were still cozy in your beds, 5:29am EST, LA and I were eagerly listening to the judge read the final decision on our case. As our translator said the magic word..."Approved"...my eyes began to swell with tears in absolute and overwhelming relief. Nastya was finally ours.
The day started out well and only got better. Surprising, I slept straight through the night without any tossing and turning. So many times during this process, the uncertainty of each step created many sleepless and restless nights. Over the past 10 months, I remember many a night waking up in the middle of the night from a bad dream about the process or my mind was going 100 mph and I couldn't shut things down and rest. But last night, I had a peaceful sleep and woke up this morning knowing that all of you back home were praying for us and were thinking about us.
When I initially woke up around 6am, I felt an undeniable calmness and had no level of anxiety for the day ahead. Per our normal protocol, I woke up a little earlier than LA and casually went about our morning. We ate a light breakfast of oatmeal and a banana, our main morning staples on this trip. With no Rachel Ray or Good Morning America to watch and keep us occupied, we continued our routines of showering and getting ready for the day.
Our wardrobes reflected the powerful presence that court day had in store for us as I donned a long sleeve shirt and tie; with LA dressed in a neatly pressed pants suit for the occasion. I haven't worn a tie in quite some time...my Grandma's funeral to be exact. I was quite impressed with myself that I got it tied correctly on the first try! Knot perfectly situated under the button down collar and the bottom of the tie neatly hanging just above the rim of my belt as gentlemanly fashion suggests. It wasn't until I looked in the mirror to make sure I was presentable that I started to feel the emotions of the day.
Butterflies started swirling in my stomach. I started tappping my fingernails on the table as LA politely put her hand over mine as to say without saying that I was irritating her with this action. My mind was racing with the four items we had to memorize to petition the court with during our trial. I was worrying if we would make it on time...would everyone else be there on time...were we prepared to take this final step...mulling over all the responses we had practiced if asked certain questions. If you have ever watched Disney's Alladin, my brain was moving in all different directions, kind of the like the genie pionting out all the exits on the flying carpet when he was magically transformed into the steward for Alladin, Jasmine, and his sidekick monkey....here there and everywhere.
We left the apartment promptly at 10:28 to go downstairs and meet our driver and coordinator at 10:30 to head to the courthouse, for an 11am court time. At 10:45 they show up and this 15 minute wait has only made those butterflies fly around like they had just finished a couple expressos. We finally arrive at the courthouse, on time may I add, and proceeded into the waiting room. Only to find out that the prosecutor was running a little behind. More expresso for those butterflies.
As we wait for all parties to arrive, our coordinator leads us into the waiting room and there sits Nastya with the orphanage representative and other parties involved in the process. It was a delight to see her and just her smile towards me calmed my nerves a little. LA and I quietly sat and waited in what I thought was the actual courtroom, but ended up just being a holding area. It reminded me alot of the small courthouse in historic Williamsburg. Small, bare, and very non-LA Law and Matlockish. There was a holding cell in the corner which I sat right next to, imagining the unlucky few that have spent time waiting behind those bars.
About ten minutes past eleven, we were called into the judge's chambers, which is where the hearing took place. Not at all what I had mentally pictured in my head. I guess too many Good Wife and People's Court episodes had clouded my judgement as to what to expect.
The process was very formal and completely in the Ukrainian language, with our translator sharing bits and pieces that we needed to hear. After an hour or so, we were told to wait outside and to return in 30 minutes for the decision. Five minutes into our wait, we are summoned back in for the ruling.
With everyone standing at attention in their previously occupied spaces, the judge stood up and started to read the decision. We didn't get every word translated but got the gist of it. But when our translator said "It is approved" I started to cry and tears started streaming down my cheek. I quickly wiped them away as to not look vulnerable, but as I was doing such, I noticed that everyone else in the courtroom, except the judge, was doing the same thing! Nastya was officially our daughter.
After everyone exited the judge's chambers you could see the relief in everyone's eyes and faces as we shared hugs and kisses, congratulatory comments, and big sighs of relief. We proceeded outside to take a few quick pictures...the first of us officially being a new family. Just as the sun was shining high above, my heart was beaming and I was grinning ear to ear as we took our first official family photo, standing on the sidewalk outside the courthouse.
Celebrations were on tap and we headed to lunch to rejoice and enjoy the moment. It is such a special day for Nastya especially. She now has a forever family. Like we had heard from other families before us, we headed out for a grand lunch celebration. Our coordinator, the orphanage representive, Nastya, LA and I enjoyed a rather delicious Italian meal and enjoyed spending time together celebrating what had just happened.
After lunch, Nastya tried on some clothes that we had brought with us. The goal was to find the perfect fit as we needed to prepare to purchase some clothes for when LA comes back and takes custody of her. Some stuff was a little too small...some stuff a little big...and some stuff just right. I think we got it figured out and the shopping can now begin.
With full bellies, happy hearts, and the emotional burden of the process lifted, we took Nastya back to the orphanage and arranged for our visits for the next couple of days.
Today...I officially became a Daddy. Not a Daddy in theory. Or one just in my mind and heart. But a true Daddy in the eyes of those that make the decisions. Two separate countries now are witness to me being Nastya's father. My close male friends that have kids have always said that the feeling of being a new Daddy is undescribeable. They were exactly right. After nearly five years of trying to have our own biological children, numerous fertility treatments and procedures, and the sadness and disappointment of the not having any children...they have all been magically erased and Nastya is now a Puskar.
This all wouldn't be possible without the love, support, and prayers of all of our family and friends. Today is a day to celebrate. May 11, 2011 at 12:29 EEST. Daddy...Mommy...Nastya...one big happy family. God is good. Prayers have been answered and my heart is finally content.
Tonight I go to bed not just as a son, brother, and husband...
But as a proud PaPa...
Nastya's PaPa!
The day started out well and only got better. Surprising, I slept straight through the night without any tossing and turning. So many times during this process, the uncertainty of each step created many sleepless and restless nights. Over the past 10 months, I remember many a night waking up in the middle of the night from a bad dream about the process or my mind was going 100 mph and I couldn't shut things down and rest. But last night, I had a peaceful sleep and woke up this morning knowing that all of you back home were praying for us and were thinking about us.
When I initially woke up around 6am, I felt an undeniable calmness and had no level of anxiety for the day ahead. Per our normal protocol, I woke up a little earlier than LA and casually went about our morning. We ate a light breakfast of oatmeal and a banana, our main morning staples on this trip. With no Rachel Ray or Good Morning America to watch and keep us occupied, we continued our routines of showering and getting ready for the day.
Our wardrobes reflected the powerful presence that court day had in store for us as I donned a long sleeve shirt and tie; with LA dressed in a neatly pressed pants suit for the occasion. I haven't worn a tie in quite some time...my Grandma's funeral to be exact. I was quite impressed with myself that I got it tied correctly on the first try! Knot perfectly situated under the button down collar and the bottom of the tie neatly hanging just above the rim of my belt as gentlemanly fashion suggests. It wasn't until I looked in the mirror to make sure I was presentable that I started to feel the emotions of the day.
Butterflies started swirling in my stomach. I started tappping my fingernails on the table as LA politely put her hand over mine as to say without saying that I was irritating her with this action. My mind was racing with the four items we had to memorize to petition the court with during our trial. I was worrying if we would make it on time...would everyone else be there on time...were we prepared to take this final step...mulling over all the responses we had practiced if asked certain questions. If you have ever watched Disney's Alladin, my brain was moving in all different directions, kind of the like the genie pionting out all the exits on the flying carpet when he was magically transformed into the steward for Alladin, Jasmine, and his sidekick monkey....here there and everywhere.
We left the apartment promptly at 10:28 to go downstairs and meet our driver and coordinator at 10:30 to head to the courthouse, for an 11am court time. At 10:45 they show up and this 15 minute wait has only made those butterflies fly around like they had just finished a couple expressos. We finally arrive at the courthouse, on time may I add, and proceeded into the waiting room. Only to find out that the prosecutor was running a little behind. More expresso for those butterflies.
As we wait for all parties to arrive, our coordinator leads us into the waiting room and there sits Nastya with the orphanage representative and other parties involved in the process. It was a delight to see her and just her smile towards me calmed my nerves a little. LA and I quietly sat and waited in what I thought was the actual courtroom, but ended up just being a holding area. It reminded me alot of the small courthouse in historic Williamsburg. Small, bare, and very non-LA Law and Matlockish. There was a holding cell in the corner which I sat right next to, imagining the unlucky few that have spent time waiting behind those bars.
About ten minutes past eleven, we were called into the judge's chambers, which is where the hearing took place. Not at all what I had mentally pictured in my head. I guess too many Good Wife and People's Court episodes had clouded my judgement as to what to expect.
The process was very formal and completely in the Ukrainian language, with our translator sharing bits and pieces that we needed to hear. After an hour or so, we were told to wait outside and to return in 30 minutes for the decision. Five minutes into our wait, we are summoned back in for the ruling.
With everyone standing at attention in their previously occupied spaces, the judge stood up and started to read the decision. We didn't get every word translated but got the gist of it. But when our translator said "It is approved" I started to cry and tears started streaming down my cheek. I quickly wiped them away as to not look vulnerable, but as I was doing such, I noticed that everyone else in the courtroom, except the judge, was doing the same thing! Nastya was officially our daughter.
After everyone exited the judge's chambers you could see the relief in everyone's eyes and faces as we shared hugs and kisses, congratulatory comments, and big sighs of relief. We proceeded outside to take a few quick pictures...the first of us officially being a new family. Just as the sun was shining high above, my heart was beaming and I was grinning ear to ear as we took our first official family photo, standing on the sidewalk outside the courthouse.
Celebrations were on tap and we headed to lunch to rejoice and enjoy the moment. It is such a special day for Nastya especially. She now has a forever family. Like we had heard from other families before us, we headed out for a grand lunch celebration. Our coordinator, the orphanage representive, Nastya, LA and I enjoyed a rather delicious Italian meal and enjoyed spending time together celebrating what had just happened.
After lunch, Nastya tried on some clothes that we had brought with us. The goal was to find the perfect fit as we needed to prepare to purchase some clothes for when LA comes back and takes custody of her. Some stuff was a little too small...some stuff a little big...and some stuff just right. I think we got it figured out and the shopping can now begin.
With full bellies, happy hearts, and the emotional burden of the process lifted, we took Nastya back to the orphanage and arranged for our visits for the next couple of days.
Today...I officially became a Daddy. Not a Daddy in theory. Or one just in my mind and heart. But a true Daddy in the eyes of those that make the decisions. Two separate countries now are witness to me being Nastya's father. My close male friends that have kids have always said that the feeling of being a new Daddy is undescribeable. They were exactly right. After nearly five years of trying to have our own biological children, numerous fertility treatments and procedures, and the sadness and disappointment of the not having any children...they have all been magically erased and Nastya is now a Puskar.
This all wouldn't be possible without the love, support, and prayers of all of our family and friends. Today is a day to celebrate. May 11, 2011 at 12:29 EEST. Daddy...Mommy...Nastya...one big happy family. God is good. Prayers have been answered and my heart is finally content.
Tonight I go to bed not just as a son, brother, and husband...
But as a proud PaPa...
Nastya's PaPa!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
April Showers Bring May Flowers
Never has the meaning of this phrase rung more true. Over the last couple of days, we have witnessed some pretty neat awakenings. Human activity and elements in nature have come out from under the winter rocks and have begun to blossom. We left the country on April 8 and returned on May 8. In that month, everything from the sky to the ground you walk on and everything in between has transformed.
Upon arrival in Simferopol yesterday evening, the obvious difference upon stepping off the plane onto the tarmac is the weather. Although a little cloudy and rainy yesterday, the skies have opened up and the winter nip is no longer in the air. From a full fleece jacket in April when we were here to just a short sleeve shirt says it all. The sun is shining. There is a slight breeze in the air. The once bare trees have started to blossom and the grass has started to green. Overall, my perfect kind of weather...not too hot...not too cool...but right in the middle. The Simferopol Chamber of Commerce should bottle this up and use it in their marketing campaign.
Some funny and laughable changes have occured as well. On our first trip, the driver that took us from place to place was quite reserved and did little talking. A little bit of broken English now and then but that is about all. Now...wow! Our driver is a rather friendly and talkative soul. Doesn't speak a lick of English and thinks we understand Russian like it was our native tongue. It is rather interesting and kind of funny to sit back and listen to him in what he thinks is a two way conversation but we ain't got a clue of what he is saying. The motor of the van we are riding in isn't the only thing going a mile a minute. We "think" we have heard him talk about everything from how he cannot drink alot of vodka anymore for as he gets older he gets more crazy with lesser consumption to how he has a friend my size that he drives around town a lot because he likes the roominess of his van compared to his friends little rinky dink car.
A rather personal tranformation has taken place. On the first trip, having never been out of the country before, I was kind of shell shocked for a good portion of the experience. Everything was new and unknown with an anxiety filled adventure around every corner. This time around, I knew what line to get into at customs...I knew and recognized my way around town a little...we navigated the market as if we owned the joint...and the overall surroundings and culture are not as foreign to our senses. You don't realize how much you miss when your body is in "survival" mode as it was on the first trip. This trip has allowed a little more time to stop and smell the roses, and of course take in the sights of the lovely Ukrainian women!
The biggest transformation though has been the reasons that we had to leave so unexpectedly early and why we are back now. Back in April we were dealt with some pretty upsetting news in the delay of the process. Now in May, we are back to continue the process. From the sadness of having to leave Nastya so quickly to the expected jubilation after a successful court hearing tomorrow, you can only imagine the emotions that are blossoming inside.
We visited with Nastya today, along with her BFF Veka. To our absolute joy and amazement, they had a bag full of gifts for us. LA and I each received hand made cards on notebook and graphing paper with notes like " I love you", "you are special", and "we missed you while you were gone". Drawings of Daisy and celebrations of the Easter season with cakes, dyed eggs, and a cross inked the pages. To feel the love those two gave us today was something pretty awesome. LA and I had a few items for them as well, but to see those two so excited as we opened a precious item that they made for us will forever be ingrained in my heart. If it was for them what it is for us to give them small tokens of our love, their hearts were definitely smiling as we opened our treasures.
Spring has sprung.
Spring brought smiles.
Smiles in spring.
Whatever way you want to look at it or however you want to say it...we are enjoying the pleasantries of this visit in a way that stomps out the unpleasantness of the reasons for our departure. It is with much hope and anticipation that my next blog, tomorrow night, will be one that announces a successful day and and the arrival, in spring, of us officially being new parents.
Until tomorrow...
Upon arrival in Simferopol yesterday evening, the obvious difference upon stepping off the plane onto the tarmac is the weather. Although a little cloudy and rainy yesterday, the skies have opened up and the winter nip is no longer in the air. From a full fleece jacket in April when we were here to just a short sleeve shirt says it all. The sun is shining. There is a slight breeze in the air. The once bare trees have started to blossom and the grass has started to green. Overall, my perfect kind of weather...not too hot...not too cool...but right in the middle. The Simferopol Chamber of Commerce should bottle this up and use it in their marketing campaign.
Some funny and laughable changes have occured as well. On our first trip, the driver that took us from place to place was quite reserved and did little talking. A little bit of broken English now and then but that is about all. Now...wow! Our driver is a rather friendly and talkative soul. Doesn't speak a lick of English and thinks we understand Russian like it was our native tongue. It is rather interesting and kind of funny to sit back and listen to him in what he thinks is a two way conversation but we ain't got a clue of what he is saying. The motor of the van we are riding in isn't the only thing going a mile a minute. We "think" we have heard him talk about everything from how he cannot drink alot of vodka anymore for as he gets older he gets more crazy with lesser consumption to how he has a friend my size that he drives around town a lot because he likes the roominess of his van compared to his friends little rinky dink car.
A rather personal tranformation has taken place. On the first trip, having never been out of the country before, I was kind of shell shocked for a good portion of the experience. Everything was new and unknown with an anxiety filled adventure around every corner. This time around, I knew what line to get into at customs...I knew and recognized my way around town a little...we navigated the market as if we owned the joint...and the overall surroundings and culture are not as foreign to our senses. You don't realize how much you miss when your body is in "survival" mode as it was on the first trip. This trip has allowed a little more time to stop and smell the roses, and of course take in the sights of the lovely Ukrainian women!
The biggest transformation though has been the reasons that we had to leave so unexpectedly early and why we are back now. Back in April we were dealt with some pretty upsetting news in the delay of the process. Now in May, we are back to continue the process. From the sadness of having to leave Nastya so quickly to the expected jubilation after a successful court hearing tomorrow, you can only imagine the emotions that are blossoming inside.
We visited with Nastya today, along with her BFF Veka. To our absolute joy and amazement, they had a bag full of gifts for us. LA and I each received hand made cards on notebook and graphing paper with notes like " I love you", "you are special", and "we missed you while you were gone". Drawings of Daisy and celebrations of the Easter season with cakes, dyed eggs, and a cross inked the pages. To feel the love those two gave us today was something pretty awesome. LA and I had a few items for them as well, but to see those two so excited as we opened a precious item that they made for us will forever be ingrained in my heart. If it was for them what it is for us to give them small tokens of our love, their hearts were definitely smiling as we opened our treasures.
Spring has sprung.
Spring brought smiles.
Smiles in spring.
Whatever way you want to look at it or however you want to say it...we are enjoying the pleasantries of this visit in a way that stomps out the unpleasantness of the reasons for our departure. It is with much hope and anticipation that my next blog, tomorrow night, will be one that announces a successful day and and the arrival, in spring, of us officially being new parents.
Until tomorrow...
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Good People Doing Good Things
Greetings from Kiev, Ukraine...again. After nearly 36 hours of travel, layovers, and general transportation to the other side of the pond, we are safely in our first lodging in Kiev. We will only be here overnight and the goal for the evening and night is sleep! And shower! 36 hours of travel, being on a plane for 3 different legs, in 4 airports, and across 2 separate continents will give you a greater appreciation for a comfortable bed and hot shower.
For this leg of the journey, we unfortuneately had to add one leg to our airline plans. On our first voyage, we traveled directly from Charlotte to Europe, travelling exclusively on Lufthansa, a German based airline. This time, we had to go from RDU to Philly, then onto Europe. But I am happy to report, things went really well and we met some really good people along the way.
All along I was apprehensive about adding another leg to our travels. With us having to meet such time sensitive deadlines...like a court hearing about the daughter we have been trying to adopt for the past 9 months...my anxiety level was already starting to creap up. And adding it on an American owned airline made the Xanax alot easier to take! We had to change gates for our departure flight from home before we even started. No big deal for us, but the worry throttle was in full swing and we hadn't even left Raleigh.
No worries, we left on time, just from different gate. We arrive in Philly and figure out how to pass the time waiting for our next leg. Thankfully back on Lufthansa.
Enter first great encounter here.
Meet a young woman that works for Lufthansa that offers a nice little perk to LA and I to wait out our time for the flight in the private Star Alliance/Envoy Club. I never thought you could find a clean bathroom in an airport. WRONG! Cleaneast bathrooms in the world!
Enter second great encounter here.
Meet a young man that works for Lufthansa that offers a nice little perk to LA and I as well. We got to sit in business class together on our way from Philly to Frankfurt. Spoiled for sure, but extremely grateful for this random act of kindness.
Enter third great encounter here.
We arrive at the Kiev airport to meet our coordinator and driver. During our debriefing, we find out we are able to see Nastya 3 extra days while we are here this trip that we didn't plan for!!!!
Enter fourth great encounter here.
Arrive at our lodging for the night. Get checked in. Shortly after arriving in our room, I am enjoying a nice glass of iced tea with a sprig of mint in it. For those of you that have travelled to this part of the world, you know that ice is not a staple of the kitchen here. Hot tea is a staple though. But after seeing us tired and weary from the travel upon arrival, someone went out of their way to make us some iced tea and brought it to us to have a little piece of home 10,000 miles from home.
Why do I take up your precious time with all of this? One simple reason. Despite all the bad things in the world and bad people in the world, there are still good people out there that make things better for others, just because they can.
These 4 things are quite simple acts if you think about it. None earth-shattering or life altering. But small things that really made the anxiety of our travels for this unplanned trip go away. Once again, simple things. So, not a big deal you think? Despite the toil that having to wait an extra month and incur some rather hefty additional expenses to make this extra trip, situations these 4 people aren't privy to; we realized that there are good people out there doing good things for others.
I admit that I have had a rather chided outlook on the intentions of some people and can often be rather pessimistic in my expectations from others. But after today, it was made completely clear to me that there are good people in the world. You may not be able to upgrade someone on a flight or upgrade someone into "CLUB" access, but you sure can offer your own generous act for someone else, just for the sake of making that person's day better. These complete strangers today did that for us and made this anxious time for us a little easier to swallow.
For this leg of the journey, we unfortuneately had to add one leg to our airline plans. On our first voyage, we traveled directly from Charlotte to Europe, travelling exclusively on Lufthansa, a German based airline. This time, we had to go from RDU to Philly, then onto Europe. But I am happy to report, things went really well and we met some really good people along the way.
All along I was apprehensive about adding another leg to our travels. With us having to meet such time sensitive deadlines...like a court hearing about the daughter we have been trying to adopt for the past 9 months...my anxiety level was already starting to creap up. And adding it on an American owned airline made the Xanax alot easier to take! We had to change gates for our departure flight from home before we even started. No big deal for us, but the worry throttle was in full swing and we hadn't even left Raleigh.
No worries, we left on time, just from different gate. We arrive in Philly and figure out how to pass the time waiting for our next leg. Thankfully back on Lufthansa.
Enter first great encounter here.
Meet a young woman that works for Lufthansa that offers a nice little perk to LA and I to wait out our time for the flight in the private Star Alliance/Envoy Club. I never thought you could find a clean bathroom in an airport. WRONG! Cleaneast bathrooms in the world!
Enter second great encounter here.
Meet a young man that works for Lufthansa that offers a nice little perk to LA and I as well. We got to sit in business class together on our way from Philly to Frankfurt. Spoiled for sure, but extremely grateful for this random act of kindness.
Enter third great encounter here.
We arrive at the Kiev airport to meet our coordinator and driver. During our debriefing, we find out we are able to see Nastya 3 extra days while we are here this trip that we didn't plan for!!!!
Enter fourth great encounter here.
Arrive at our lodging for the night. Get checked in. Shortly after arriving in our room, I am enjoying a nice glass of iced tea with a sprig of mint in it. For those of you that have travelled to this part of the world, you know that ice is not a staple of the kitchen here. Hot tea is a staple though. But after seeing us tired and weary from the travel upon arrival, someone went out of their way to make us some iced tea and brought it to us to have a little piece of home 10,000 miles from home.
Why do I take up your precious time with all of this? One simple reason. Despite all the bad things in the world and bad people in the world, there are still good people out there that make things better for others, just because they can.
These 4 things are quite simple acts if you think about it. None earth-shattering or life altering. But small things that really made the anxiety of our travels for this unplanned trip go away. Once again, simple things. So, not a big deal you think? Despite the toil that having to wait an extra month and incur some rather hefty additional expenses to make this extra trip, situations these 4 people aren't privy to; we realized that there are good people out there doing good things for others.
I admit that I have had a rather chided outlook on the intentions of some people and can often be rather pessimistic in my expectations from others. But after today, it was made completely clear to me that there are good people in the world. You may not be able to upgrade someone on a flight or upgrade someone into "CLUB" access, but you sure can offer your own generous act for someone else, just for the sake of making that person's day better. These complete strangers today did that for us and made this anxious time for us a little easier to swallow.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Slight Change
Wanted to let you know that we are making a slight change to our blog. With us about to embark on our second trip to Ukraine, our goals are the same, but our schedules will be very different.
LA and I will depart together on Saturday, but will not return together. I will be home in a week and LA should be home with Nastya sometime in early to mid June. During LA's travels, she will spend some time with some family friends in Europe during our mandatory waiting period and then travel back to pick up Nastya and finalize the paperwork. She will share the third trip back with her Dad.
With these distinctly different calendars, we wanted to maximize our opportunity to share our personal journeys with each of you. LA is excited to share her travel stories and the details of her emotional journey. I am excited to continue sharing my thoughts, views, and feelings. I do believe that these 2 blogs will mold into one big story, but with two different insights.
We will be launching a new blog for LA to share her experiences in the upcoming days. We will invite all followers of this blog to her new one as well.
Stay tuned...
LA and I will depart together on Saturday, but will not return together. I will be home in a week and LA should be home with Nastya sometime in early to mid June. During LA's travels, she will spend some time with some family friends in Europe during our mandatory waiting period and then travel back to pick up Nastya and finalize the paperwork. She will share the third trip back with her Dad.
With these distinctly different calendars, we wanted to maximize our opportunity to share our personal journeys with each of you. LA is excited to share her travel stories and the details of her emotional journey. I am excited to continue sharing my thoughts, views, and feelings. I do believe that these 2 blogs will mold into one big story, but with two different insights.
We will be launching a new blog for LA to share her experiences in the upcoming days. We will invite all followers of this blog to her new one as well.
Stay tuned...
Friday, April 29, 2011
Tylenol or No Tylenol...That is the Question
A short legal disclaimer to all my blog followers...
If you happen to work for Johnson and Johnson, the company that makes this great product, my advance apologies. Also, if this happens to get in front of one of the legal advisors for this fabulous product, I mean no harm or ill will. (Can you clearly tell that I grew up watching too much Judge Judy or Judge Wapner on People's Court? I get it honestly though...my Dad has watched the Cooper trial on WRAL.com for the past 6 weeks, not missing a single minute.)
By no means is this a blast against the makers of Tylenol, but I cannot take those little pills anymore...especially at bedtime. In what I have self-diagnosed as a side effect of taking Tylenol at night, I have had seriously vivid dreams the last couple of nights. I have long felt this way, as I never remember my dreams when I wake up...except, if I take Tylenol in the evening before bed.
Or do I need to thank Johnson and Johnson for making this fabulous product and providing me these wonderful dreams?
Let me explain.
Guess who has occupied my dreams that last couple of nights? Second guesses don't count.
Ding ding ding...we have a winner...Nastya.
I have had Daddy Dreams the last 2 nights. Last night was the very first night in this entire process that I dreamt about Nastya being in our home. The details were so vivid when I woke up. We had been walking through the house on the very first night and introducing her to her new world. Where her room was. That the entire GREEN bathroom was hers. What the light switches on the wall controlled. The fact that Daisy's favorite place to sleep happens to be on a rather comfy chair in Nastya's new room.
It felt all so real. LA was there, along with some family and friends. To see her smile as she realized what her new world involved and to share in those precious moments.
The night prior I dreamt of my girls arriving at RDU airport. By my girls, I mean LA AND Nastya. I am not sure who I missed more in this reunion!
When we embark on this next part of the journey, LA and I will spend 3 days travelling to the region for court...then partake in the court process...then travel 3 days back. LA to England to stay with some family friends for the "waiting period" and me home to Raleigh. I will then see Nastya and LA, about 4-5 weeks later, sometime in mid-June. So the questions are this.
After 3 days of travelling, do I take the Tylenol to help ease what I am sure will be some general body aches?
After not seeing my girls for 5 weeks, do I take the Tylenol to help the heartache of missing these two so?
Or do I sit back and wait, sans Tylenol, and just relish the idea that in only a 5-6 week span, we will all be reunited forever?
Reunited Forever definitely replaces the need for the Tylenol in my opinion! And a little dose of Daisy back in my life during the break definitely won't hurt!
If you happen to work for Johnson and Johnson, the company that makes this great product, my advance apologies. Also, if this happens to get in front of one of the legal advisors for this fabulous product, I mean no harm or ill will. (Can you clearly tell that I grew up watching too much Judge Judy or Judge Wapner on People's Court? I get it honestly though...my Dad has watched the Cooper trial on WRAL.com for the past 6 weeks, not missing a single minute.)
By no means is this a blast against the makers of Tylenol, but I cannot take those little pills anymore...especially at bedtime. In what I have self-diagnosed as a side effect of taking Tylenol at night, I have had seriously vivid dreams the last couple of nights. I have long felt this way, as I never remember my dreams when I wake up...except, if I take Tylenol in the evening before bed.
Or do I need to thank Johnson and Johnson for making this fabulous product and providing me these wonderful dreams?
Let me explain.
Guess who has occupied my dreams that last couple of nights? Second guesses don't count.
Ding ding ding...we have a winner...Nastya.
I have had Daddy Dreams the last 2 nights. Last night was the very first night in this entire process that I dreamt about Nastya being in our home. The details were so vivid when I woke up. We had been walking through the house on the very first night and introducing her to her new world. Where her room was. That the entire GREEN bathroom was hers. What the light switches on the wall controlled. The fact that Daisy's favorite place to sleep happens to be on a rather comfy chair in Nastya's new room.
It felt all so real. LA was there, along with some family and friends. To see her smile as she realized what her new world involved and to share in those precious moments.
The night prior I dreamt of my girls arriving at RDU airport. By my girls, I mean LA AND Nastya. I am not sure who I missed more in this reunion!
When we embark on this next part of the journey, LA and I will spend 3 days travelling to the region for court...then partake in the court process...then travel 3 days back. LA to England to stay with some family friends for the "waiting period" and me home to Raleigh. I will then see Nastya and LA, about 4-5 weeks later, sometime in mid-June. So the questions are this.
After 3 days of travelling, do I take the Tylenol to help ease what I am sure will be some general body aches?
After not seeing my girls for 5 weeks, do I take the Tylenol to help the heartache of missing these two so?
Or do I sit back and wait, sans Tylenol, and just relish the idea that in only a 5-6 week span, we will all be reunited forever?
Reunited Forever definitely replaces the need for the Tylenol in my opinion! And a little dose of Daisy back in my life during the break definitely won't hurt!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Divine Intervention
Not less than a few hours after I made the previous post, I received a phone call that we have a scheduled court date!
Never doubt the power of prayer! God is good! Nastya here we come!
Never doubt the power of prayer! God is good! Nastya here we come!
Patience is a Virtue
Ever heard that phrase uttered from a paternal or maternal figure? I have.
It is the single hardest virtue to wrap my arms around at this very moment though. The waiting is taking its toll and it is getting harder and harder to be patient.
We were advised prior to leaving Ukraine that we would receive an update no later than April 20th. April 20th came. April 20th went. It is now nearing the end of the day on April 21st. Nothing. Patience huh?
When LA and I found out that we were going to encounter a delay in our process, admittedly, we had a little pity party. As we thought about it more and talked through it, we realized that we could do nothing about the situation. At that moment, a very vivid moment in my mind...a Wednesday afternoon to be exact...we came to the conclusion that we needed to make the best decision we could, using our brains rather than our hearts. So, we decided to return home and wait it out from there. That is the decision that made the most logical sense with the time table we were facing.
As you may have read in one of my earlier posts, we were doing our best to take the lemons that were handed to us and make lemonade. Let me just tell you something...after a while, if you drink too much lemonade and that is all you drink for a long time, you start to get sick of lemonade.
For those of you that have acid reflux or acidic beverages give you heart burn...you know what I mean. Or have you ever forgotten you had a small ulcer or cold sore on the inside of your cheek and then drank something acidic, i.e. this fabulous lemonade, and were quickly reminded of this nimble flaw? Or even better yet...you just brushed your teeth with the latest and greatest teeth whitening Scope flavored toothpaste...then took a swallow of some lemonade? That is the taste in my mouth right now. And no, its not from either of these quirky reminders.
While I am on the topic of lemons...
Those that know me best, know that I enjoy a small slice of lemon in my unsweetened iced tea or a small wedge garnishing a Diet Coke or a cold glass of water. Without a doubt, these are my go to beverages of choice, no matter the destination, climate, or condition. And my Mom is very well aware of the fact that there is nothing more in the kitchen chore world that I don't like doing...cutting up a ripe whole lemon to be able to have on hand for such a drink.
Ironic huh? My favorite drinks and yet my least favorite kitchen chore...
I need to make a special shout out to Mom for always having them neatly cut and in an old butter or cottage cheese container in her fridge marked "Eric". Taking the time out of her schedule to buy, cut, and package these little morsels. Allowing me to take some home with me for this very reason. And may I add, she cuts them to the perfect size so that I can squeeze one through the whole in the top of a bottle of Aquafina too!
I digressed for a second, my apologies...but Mom is extremely deserving of that little side bar.
What I was getting at before my little diversion, was that the emotional tool from the waiting is starting to add up. For me personally, this wait is harder than the wait we had prior to making our first trip to see Nastya. Our first wait was well over 7 months. Our current wait is approaching 14 days.
While we were over there, we got to spend quality time with her. See her in her environment. Hear her call me Papa. Swing on the monkey bars together. Share a hug and see her radiant smile. Play hide and seek in the waiting area of the office. (And may I add, despite my rather stout girth, I play a mean game of hide and seek.)
This was time that actually felt like we were a family already. A feeling that I never experienced before from the Daddy side of things. And now that I have experienced that, it is really hard to be separated from her. I am not naive enough to think that I am officially her father yet, but in my heart I am. I have been ever since I saw her. That is what makes the waiting so hard at this point.
That and the unknown. Up until this point, we have had an idea of the time frame. Ever since we started the initial home study paperwork, we kind of had an idea of the time frame associated with each step. Now, we don't have a clue and its hard to wrap my head, brain, AND heart around.
Don't take what I am saying wrong though. I have the utmost confidence in the people that are working their magic for us. I know they have our best interests at heart and are doing what they can to navigate the ever changing waters for us. Deep, deep, deep down, I know that. Nonetheless, that piece of confidence doesn't take away the emptiness of the wait.
A couple valuable lessons that I have learned from this whole emotional mess are that once your heart is involved, life gets progressively more difficult. And, having felt the feelings I felt when we spent time together those 5 days, I walked away with a greater sense of purpose. Life is no longer about me...or me and LA...its about Nastya.
I cannot help but relate our process to the Easter holiday and all its tragic and ultimately glorious moments. Am I feeling what the apostles and people felt waiting for Jesus to be crucified, buried, and to rise from the dead? When the people were promised that on the third day he would rise and they had to wait? Patiently wait for scripture to be fulfilled?
So, as this Easter weekend is upon us and we enter the most holy of times, I pray that God grants me the patience needed to get through this process. That he holds Nastya's hand during this waiting period. That he fills Nastya's heart with the love that LA and I have for her. And that he guides the efforts of those in control of our situation.
At a very early age my Mom embedded in my thick skull that patience is a virtue. As I have grown up and especially over the past couple of years, Mom and I have often joked with each other, "Lord, give me patience...but give it to me now." Well Lord...I am waiting...patiently...
It is the single hardest virtue to wrap my arms around at this very moment though. The waiting is taking its toll and it is getting harder and harder to be patient.
We were advised prior to leaving Ukraine that we would receive an update no later than April 20th. April 20th came. April 20th went. It is now nearing the end of the day on April 21st. Nothing. Patience huh?
When LA and I found out that we were going to encounter a delay in our process, admittedly, we had a little pity party. As we thought about it more and talked through it, we realized that we could do nothing about the situation. At that moment, a very vivid moment in my mind...a Wednesday afternoon to be exact...we came to the conclusion that we needed to make the best decision we could, using our brains rather than our hearts. So, we decided to return home and wait it out from there. That is the decision that made the most logical sense with the time table we were facing.
As you may have read in one of my earlier posts, we were doing our best to take the lemons that were handed to us and make lemonade. Let me just tell you something...after a while, if you drink too much lemonade and that is all you drink for a long time, you start to get sick of lemonade.
For those of you that have acid reflux or acidic beverages give you heart burn...you know what I mean. Or have you ever forgotten you had a small ulcer or cold sore on the inside of your cheek and then drank something acidic, i.e. this fabulous lemonade, and were quickly reminded of this nimble flaw? Or even better yet...you just brushed your teeth with the latest and greatest teeth whitening Scope flavored toothpaste...then took a swallow of some lemonade? That is the taste in my mouth right now. And no, its not from either of these quirky reminders.
While I am on the topic of lemons...
Those that know me best, know that I enjoy a small slice of lemon in my unsweetened iced tea or a small wedge garnishing a Diet Coke or a cold glass of water. Without a doubt, these are my go to beverages of choice, no matter the destination, climate, or condition. And my Mom is very well aware of the fact that there is nothing more in the kitchen chore world that I don't like doing...cutting up a ripe whole lemon to be able to have on hand for such a drink.
Ironic huh? My favorite drinks and yet my least favorite kitchen chore...
I need to make a special shout out to Mom for always having them neatly cut and in an old butter or cottage cheese container in her fridge marked "Eric". Taking the time out of her schedule to buy, cut, and package these little morsels. Allowing me to take some home with me for this very reason. And may I add, she cuts them to the perfect size so that I can squeeze one through the whole in the top of a bottle of Aquafina too!
I digressed for a second, my apologies...but Mom is extremely deserving of that little side bar.
What I was getting at before my little diversion, was that the emotional tool from the waiting is starting to add up. For me personally, this wait is harder than the wait we had prior to making our first trip to see Nastya. Our first wait was well over 7 months. Our current wait is approaching 14 days.
While we were over there, we got to spend quality time with her. See her in her environment. Hear her call me Papa. Swing on the monkey bars together. Share a hug and see her radiant smile. Play hide and seek in the waiting area of the office. (And may I add, despite my rather stout girth, I play a mean game of hide and seek.)
This was time that actually felt like we were a family already. A feeling that I never experienced before from the Daddy side of things. And now that I have experienced that, it is really hard to be separated from her. I am not naive enough to think that I am officially her father yet, but in my heart I am. I have been ever since I saw her. That is what makes the waiting so hard at this point.
That and the unknown. Up until this point, we have had an idea of the time frame. Ever since we started the initial home study paperwork, we kind of had an idea of the time frame associated with each step. Now, we don't have a clue and its hard to wrap my head, brain, AND heart around.
Don't take what I am saying wrong though. I have the utmost confidence in the people that are working their magic for us. I know they have our best interests at heart and are doing what they can to navigate the ever changing waters for us. Deep, deep, deep down, I know that. Nonetheless, that piece of confidence doesn't take away the emptiness of the wait.
A couple valuable lessons that I have learned from this whole emotional mess are that once your heart is involved, life gets progressively more difficult. And, having felt the feelings I felt when we spent time together those 5 days, I walked away with a greater sense of purpose. Life is no longer about me...or me and LA...its about Nastya.
I cannot help but relate our process to the Easter holiday and all its tragic and ultimately glorious moments. Am I feeling what the apostles and people felt waiting for Jesus to be crucified, buried, and to rise from the dead? When the people were promised that on the third day he would rise and they had to wait? Patiently wait for scripture to be fulfilled?
So, as this Easter weekend is upon us and we enter the most holy of times, I pray that God grants me the patience needed to get through this process. That he holds Nastya's hand during this waiting period. That he fills Nastya's heart with the love that LA and I have for her. And that he guides the efforts of those in control of our situation.
At a very early age my Mom embedded in my thick skull that patience is a virtue. As I have grown up and especially over the past couple of years, Mom and I have often joked with each other, "Lord, give me patience...but give it to me now." Well Lord...I am waiting...patiently...
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
My Reflections
Ok. We are safely home in the good ole' US of A. Have a couple nights of sleep under our belts and slowly starting to get back into our normal routine. It is an extremely odd feeling to be home, with no events on the calendar or a to do list a mile long. Since we didn't plan on being home quite yet, we had our calendars clear until the beginning of May for myself and until late May for LA. In all honesty, it feels kind of nice.
Now, we just sit and wait...again. It kind of seems like deja vu all over again. The last waiting period was for our big appointment date with the adoption dept in Ukraine. Thought all the waiting would be over at this point, but I guess they don't care what I think. We now wait for our court date and then frantically scramble all over again to make air reservations and pack for another trip.
I am slowly starting to get reacclimated to work. Only returned to 120 email messages. Over a 2 week period that isn't too shabby. Some days I get upwards of 100. A special shout out to those at work (you know who you are) that have been so gracious, understanding, and accepting of our situation. It is going to take a little while to get caught up and back into the flow of things, but that was to be expected. Onward and upward on that front.
As I sit here this evening and type this I cannot help but reflect on a couple of items in particular. First and foremost, how weird it is to not have Nastya here and not see her everyday. Mentally, I had prepared for the next time LA was home, we would have our daughter with us. Nope. Not yet.
When we first got back, I could not bring myself to look into her room. Bed neatly made, full of stuffed animals and freshly washed pink, blue, and yellow sheets and pillows. The couple of books laid out on her night stand. Some favorites of LA's when she was a little girl and some of the books I enjoyed as a child. The neatly organized closet with freshly pressed clothes and a few other girly odds and ends. Already and more so than any other time during this journey, with all this stuff in it...it felt so empty. Soon, maybe I will bring myself to the point where I can spend some quiet time in there, sitting on the chair thinking of the memories that will soon fill that space. I guess that will happen more so when LA is actually over there preparing to bring Nastya home for good. I relish the chance to hear laughter or chatter come from those hallowed walls. If that room could talk, it would divulge the many hours I stood in the doorway dreaming of having a son or daughter to fill it. Soon...really soon...that reality will be here.
LA...what can I say about my dear wife. Without a doubt, the last couple of weeks has brought us to a point in our relationship that we love each other more today than at any other point in our marriage. Didn't think that could happen to be honest. We have been through such a grind the last 3-4 years on the baby/child/kids front that we grew really close through all the heartbreak along the way. I was her crutch when she needed me. She was mine. Since this journey began, we knew it was going to be a stressful period of our lives and that we have made a decision to adopt Nastya that will forever change the dynamic of our relationship. Remarkably and with profound pride, I must let you know how proud I am of LA during this time and how much I am looking forward to seeing her be a Mommy. From the girl down the street that I used to take notice as she washed her car, wearing a pair of umbro shorts, highlighting her oh so sexy legs...to the friend that used to tolerate guys night at Applebee's watching Monday Night Football with us...to my live in roommate in a 2 bedroom apt overlooking Lake Lynn...to my financee...my wife...and soon to be the mother of my daughter. What a journey. What a ride.
What did I learn from this first 2 week journey?
I learned that no matter how much you plan, your plan is not the master plan. God is in total control and will guide you along the way. He holds your hand and walks you through the cobblestone streets and along the grassy knolls. You must have faith that he doesn't give you anything you cannot handle. Sometimes though, God's sense of humor is kind of hard to digest....
I learned that LA is my best friend. Not a new lesson learned, but one further set in concrete.
I learned that I am kind of tired of eating grilled ham, egg, and cheese sandwiches, accompanied by white rice. Please do not take any offense LA...I enjoyed your cooking while there and my waist line has benefitted, but a little variation and some home cooking is in my plan the next couple of days.
I learned that the counsel that you receive is not always accurate. Not intentionally inaccurate. Not deliberate by any means. But I have learned to take counsel with a grain of salt; process and prepare your mind for the counsel you receive, but also be open to "surprises" and "unprecedented" alterations to those words of guidance.
I learned that family is the most important element of my life. I missed my Mom, Dad, and Petunia. I am extremely blessed to that I usually get to talk to them every day. Not being able to do that while gone left a little empty place in my heart. John and Vicky, you have been instrumental in our progress and I feel we have grown closer than ever before. Much love to you all.
I learned AND confirmed how much I want to be a Daddy. That girl has stolen my heart and it is clear that it won't be long before she has me wrapped around that little finger of hers. I cannot wait for her to be here with us as an official Puskar.
I learned that patience is needed in this process and that we now must wait. This wait is no easier or any harder than the first. A little harder to accept and understand, but I have realized that it is out of our control.
I learned that we have great friends that love us and support us. All of you reading this are appreciated and thanks will never be enough.
Until next time...
Now, we just sit and wait...again. It kind of seems like deja vu all over again. The last waiting period was for our big appointment date with the adoption dept in Ukraine. Thought all the waiting would be over at this point, but I guess they don't care what I think. We now wait for our court date and then frantically scramble all over again to make air reservations and pack for another trip.
I am slowly starting to get reacclimated to work. Only returned to 120 email messages. Over a 2 week period that isn't too shabby. Some days I get upwards of 100. A special shout out to those at work (you know who you are) that have been so gracious, understanding, and accepting of our situation. It is going to take a little while to get caught up and back into the flow of things, but that was to be expected. Onward and upward on that front.
As I sit here this evening and type this I cannot help but reflect on a couple of items in particular. First and foremost, how weird it is to not have Nastya here and not see her everyday. Mentally, I had prepared for the next time LA was home, we would have our daughter with us. Nope. Not yet.
When we first got back, I could not bring myself to look into her room. Bed neatly made, full of stuffed animals and freshly washed pink, blue, and yellow sheets and pillows. The couple of books laid out on her night stand. Some favorites of LA's when she was a little girl and some of the books I enjoyed as a child. The neatly organized closet with freshly pressed clothes and a few other girly odds and ends. Already and more so than any other time during this journey, with all this stuff in it...it felt so empty. Soon, maybe I will bring myself to the point where I can spend some quiet time in there, sitting on the chair thinking of the memories that will soon fill that space. I guess that will happen more so when LA is actually over there preparing to bring Nastya home for good. I relish the chance to hear laughter or chatter come from those hallowed walls. If that room could talk, it would divulge the many hours I stood in the doorway dreaming of having a son or daughter to fill it. Soon...really soon...that reality will be here.
LA...what can I say about my dear wife. Without a doubt, the last couple of weeks has brought us to a point in our relationship that we love each other more today than at any other point in our marriage. Didn't think that could happen to be honest. We have been through such a grind the last 3-4 years on the baby/child/kids front that we grew really close through all the heartbreak along the way. I was her crutch when she needed me. She was mine. Since this journey began, we knew it was going to be a stressful period of our lives and that we have made a decision to adopt Nastya that will forever change the dynamic of our relationship. Remarkably and with profound pride, I must let you know how proud I am of LA during this time and how much I am looking forward to seeing her be a Mommy. From the girl down the street that I used to take notice as she washed her car, wearing a pair of umbro shorts, highlighting her oh so sexy legs...to the friend that used to tolerate guys night at Applebee's watching Monday Night Football with us...to my live in roommate in a 2 bedroom apt overlooking Lake Lynn...to my financee...my wife...and soon to be the mother of my daughter. What a journey. What a ride.
What did I learn from this first 2 week journey?
I learned that no matter how much you plan, your plan is not the master plan. God is in total control and will guide you along the way. He holds your hand and walks you through the cobblestone streets and along the grassy knolls. You must have faith that he doesn't give you anything you cannot handle. Sometimes though, God's sense of humor is kind of hard to digest....
I learned that LA is my best friend. Not a new lesson learned, but one further set in concrete.
I learned that I am kind of tired of eating grilled ham, egg, and cheese sandwiches, accompanied by white rice. Please do not take any offense LA...I enjoyed your cooking while there and my waist line has benefitted, but a little variation and some home cooking is in my plan the next couple of days.
I learned that the counsel that you receive is not always accurate. Not intentionally inaccurate. Not deliberate by any means. But I have learned to take counsel with a grain of salt; process and prepare your mind for the counsel you receive, but also be open to "surprises" and "unprecedented" alterations to those words of guidance.
I learned that family is the most important element of my life. I missed my Mom, Dad, and Petunia. I am extremely blessed to that I usually get to talk to them every day. Not being able to do that while gone left a little empty place in my heart. John and Vicky, you have been instrumental in our progress and I feel we have grown closer than ever before. Much love to you all.
I learned AND confirmed how much I want to be a Daddy. That girl has stolen my heart and it is clear that it won't be long before she has me wrapped around that little finger of hers. I cannot wait for her to be here with us as an official Puskar.
I learned that patience is needed in this process and that we now must wait. This wait is no easier or any harder than the first. A little harder to accept and understand, but I have realized that it is out of our control.
I learned that we have great friends that love us and support us. All of you reading this are appreciated and thanks will never be enough.
Until next time...
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Lemons Make Lemonade
Short and sweet today. Kind of tired and got to head to bed. Gotta get up in less than 12 hours to go to airport in the morning.
We started our 2 day trip back to the US this morning, flying out of the Crimea region and back to Kiev. Here we will eat, shower, and sleep until our early wake up call and ride to the airport before the sun even thinks of rising in the morning.
Why are we headed home already you ask? Well the process hand delivered some really ripe nice looking lemons in a pretty hand made basket and all we can do is sit back and make some southern style lemonade with them. Totally unexpectedly, we are having to wait an unprecedented amount of time to move onto the next part of our process and it makes sense to head home in the meantime.
On the negative side, we will have to make an additional trip back over here in the upcoming weeks. On the positive side, we get to come home to loved ones and our own king size, fitted sheet, down pillow, and comfy bed.
No fear though. We completed this portion of the process in a faster than expected pace. Just gottta come home and get that sugar to bring back to make the homemade lemonade!
Probably won't have another blog update until back in the US sometime over the weekend. We are excited to get home; a little anxious for this newly discovered wait; and hopeful for a quick resolution to our current situation.
LA has our dinner cooking and I can almost hear the pillow and bed calling my name. 1am is going to come awfully early...but we are Homeward Bound.
We started our 2 day trip back to the US this morning, flying out of the Crimea region and back to Kiev. Here we will eat, shower, and sleep until our early wake up call and ride to the airport before the sun even thinks of rising in the morning.
Why are we headed home already you ask? Well the process hand delivered some really ripe nice looking lemons in a pretty hand made basket and all we can do is sit back and make some southern style lemonade with them. Totally unexpectedly, we are having to wait an unprecedented amount of time to move onto the next part of our process and it makes sense to head home in the meantime.
On the negative side, we will have to make an additional trip back over here in the upcoming weeks. On the positive side, we get to come home to loved ones and our own king size, fitted sheet, down pillow, and comfy bed.
No fear though. We completed this portion of the process in a faster than expected pace. Just gottta come home and get that sugar to bring back to make the homemade lemonade!
Probably won't have another blog update until back in the US sometime over the weekend. We are excited to get home; a little anxious for this newly discovered wait; and hopeful for a quick resolution to our current situation.
LA has our dinner cooking and I can almost hear the pillow and bed calling my name. 1am is going to come awfully early...but we are Homeward Bound.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Many Pieces to the Puzzle
Ever sat down to put a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle together? LA and I used to put puzzles together all the time when we first got married. Some of them are even glued together and framed and hanging in a room in our house. We usually pick a puzzle that is a little challenging and has a theme associated to something that we enjoy such as travel, sports, or everyday living.
Being the OCD - Type A personality that I am, I clear off the table so we have plenty of room to spread out. I lay down the puzzle mat so we can roll it up and store it when we are not working the puzzle. I set the box up at just the right angle to be able to reference. I then sort the pieces into outside border pieces and inside pieces. Then methodically start working the outside and work my way inside. After the border is done, I choose an interior section of the puzzle to work on and using the already sorted colors and shapes that LA has worked on slowly make progress.
Sometimes, you get to a particular piece that is vital to move forward and you cannot find it. Or you realize that despite all the preparation and organization prior to piece them together, a piece dropped on the floor that you didn't notice. Or even better, you bought a cheap puzzle and some pieces are missing!
What I am getting at is that we use a logical, well thought out plan as we work the jigsaw puzzle. Like a recent Pittsburgh Steeler themed puzzle we put together, all the pieces go together nicely and within a few man hours of working on it, you see the fruits of your labor. Or there is that one puzzle that is sitting in the green felt roll up puzzle mat for storage that you haven't worked on for a year. Two extremes in the jigsaw puzzle world.
Today's happenings fall somewhere in the middle of this spectrum. Leaning towards the finished masterpiece side of things.
LA and I started this process of adopting Nastya in August 2010. We have since gathered the pieces of the puzzle one piece at a time, with the helpful guidance of some very knowledgeable and reliable people. We knew going into the process, especially in this part of our journey, just like working the jigsaw, that all the pieces may not be in sight at all times and you may have to work a little harder to find the needed piece or pieces. In the end, you know you will find it and you know that you finish the puzzle, but you experience a bump in the road as you cross that path to successful completion.
Some huge elements came together today and great progress is the overall theme of the day. But now, we are looking for that small piece of the puzzle that is needed to finish up the sections that are already worked on the inside and waiting to join its other friends in the finished project. Unfortuneately, the piece hasn't just fallen on the floor. Fortuneately, its in the box somewhere and we just have to find it.
We are confident we will find it and we are confident that the team helping us find it will prevail. We just have to be patient and wait for the piece to be found.
During this journey, there are many emotions that ebb and flow. I have experienced some very extreme highs and a couple of lows. I don't want to speak for LA, but from what we have talked about and what I have witnessed, she has experiences much of the same. Today we saw portions of the puzzle neatly fitted together and placed as planned; but, we also must wait for the puzzle gods to reveal the next pieces so we can bring home that masterpiece.
Being the OCD - Type A personality that I am, I clear off the table so we have plenty of room to spread out. I lay down the puzzle mat so we can roll it up and store it when we are not working the puzzle. I set the box up at just the right angle to be able to reference. I then sort the pieces into outside border pieces and inside pieces. Then methodically start working the outside and work my way inside. After the border is done, I choose an interior section of the puzzle to work on and using the already sorted colors and shapes that LA has worked on slowly make progress.
Sometimes, you get to a particular piece that is vital to move forward and you cannot find it. Or you realize that despite all the preparation and organization prior to piece them together, a piece dropped on the floor that you didn't notice. Or even better, you bought a cheap puzzle and some pieces are missing!
What I am getting at is that we use a logical, well thought out plan as we work the jigsaw puzzle. Like a recent Pittsburgh Steeler themed puzzle we put together, all the pieces go together nicely and within a few man hours of working on it, you see the fruits of your labor. Or there is that one puzzle that is sitting in the green felt roll up puzzle mat for storage that you haven't worked on for a year. Two extremes in the jigsaw puzzle world.
Today's happenings fall somewhere in the middle of this spectrum. Leaning towards the finished masterpiece side of things.
LA and I started this process of adopting Nastya in August 2010. We have since gathered the pieces of the puzzle one piece at a time, with the helpful guidance of some very knowledgeable and reliable people. We knew going into the process, especially in this part of our journey, just like working the jigsaw, that all the pieces may not be in sight at all times and you may have to work a little harder to find the needed piece or pieces. In the end, you know you will find it and you know that you finish the puzzle, but you experience a bump in the road as you cross that path to successful completion.
Some huge elements came together today and great progress is the overall theme of the day. But now, we are looking for that small piece of the puzzle that is needed to finish up the sections that are already worked on the inside and waiting to join its other friends in the finished project. Unfortuneately, the piece hasn't just fallen on the floor. Fortuneately, its in the box somewhere and we just have to find it.
We are confident we will find it and we are confident that the team helping us find it will prevail. We just have to be patient and wait for the piece to be found.
During this journey, there are many emotions that ebb and flow. I have experienced some very extreme highs and a couple of lows. I don't want to speak for LA, but from what we have talked about and what I have witnessed, she has experiences much of the same. Today we saw portions of the puzzle neatly fitted together and placed as planned; but, we also must wait for the puzzle gods to reveal the next pieces so we can bring home that masterpiece.
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